Do you worry when your partner leaves your sight? Your insecurity may be ruining your relationship, so you need to know what causes it and how to deal with it.
An insecure partner can grate on you. But how would you know if you have insecurities? And how can you manage them? Here’s a little about insecurities in relationships, their causes and signs and most importantly, how to deal with them.
What is insecurity?
Simply explained, emotional insecurity refers to the instability of a person’s emotional state. Possible triggers of these perceived threats or vulnerability.
Traumatic events or perceived inferiority in a relationship may prompt it. In short, insecurity sets in when something threatens a person’s ego or well-being.
How emotionally insecure someone is, depends on his or her capacity for resilience. Also, how relationship setbacks affect a person may determine how anxious he or she is.
What Causes Insecurity in a Relationship?
The cause of any insecurity is fear. In this case, it’s worry about jeopardizing or compromising the status of a relationship. The anxiety is a result of a person’s environment and the people with whom he or she interacts.
Some people can shrug off negative experiences and stay grounded because they have well-developed self-awareness and self-belief. Others, however, are tremendously affected by negative experiences. You’ll want some more insight into the causes of insecurity in relationships if you belong to the latter category.
1. Negative Relationship History
First of all, you may have experienced failed romantic relationships, some of which may have been abusive.
Consequently, you may expect all your relationships to turn out this way. It is a task to overcome such limiting perceptions.
2. Faulty Thinking
Ingrained beliefs like these cause a person to see their relationships as unnecessarily negative. For instance, a girl may assume that her boyfriend is angry just because he’s quiet. In reality, his mind may be on a problem he’s facing at work. Behaviors like this are a result of past disappointments.
3. Unaddressed Relationship Issues
Also, there are times when there is a reason for the insecurity. Something could be wrong if your partner doesn’t return your Whatsapp messages. It could be that your relationship has taken a wrong turn. If this is the case, it’s probably time to sort matters out with your partner.
7 Signs of Insecurities: Do You Have Them?
You may suspect that there’s trouble in relationship paradise, but you’re not sure if your suspicion stems from insecurity. Here are a few signs that you have some excess anxiety to manage.
1. You always check your partner’s phone
First of all, you may find yourself getting up in the middle of the night to check your significant other’s phone.
Phone spy tools and programs like Instant Checkmate Review are handy if you wish to guarantee your loved one’s online and personal safety.
However, if you find yourself using them for inexplicable reasons or even performing random, unexpected checks on your partner, you know that you’re insecure.
2. You must do everything with your partner
Also, you may feel anxious about your partner having drinks with colleagues. Remember that a top sign of insecurity is a lack of trust. If you can’t trust your partner to use his or her discretion and maintain platonic relationships with the opposite sex, you may have insecurities to manage.
Furthermore, you’d have sacrificed many aspects of your life – friends, family, and even career – to do everything with your partner. Such abandonment is a red flag.
3. You avoid any possibility of an argument
While you shouldn’t always be confronting your partner, you shouldn’t be afraid to share your feelings with him or her either. Avoidance of confrontation is another sign of insecurity. Differences in views are necessary for an intimate relationship to succeed.
4. You ask about previous relationships all the time
Another sign that you may be feeling insecure about your relationship is if you keep asking about ex-partners.
We all want assurance that we are worthy of our significant others, so we ask questions like “Is he/she prettier/more handsome than I am?” While this isn’t unusual, problems may arise if they become excessive.
5. You demand reassurance
Furthermore, you’ll demand reassurance that your relationship is going well. Insecure partners always seek approval.
6. You weigh your partner down
You want the best for your partner, like everyone else. However, things may not go as planned.
Insecure people often rely on their partners to succeed. Their mistaken belief is that they achieve if their partners do. However, their pressure may result in the opposite effect – their partners may find themselves failing.
7. You always accuse your partner of cheating
Finally, if you’re obsessed with your partner cheating on you when he or she hasn’t, you know that you’re insecure. You feel as though you’re not good enough for your partner and are scared that he or she will look for greener pastures.
How insecurity destroys your relationship
Insecurities are self-defense mechanisms. People resort to them because of previous bad experiences. Though uneasy feelings are understandable, they may ruin relationships.
An overly-possessive nature may cause your partner to feel frustrated. It’s not fair for him or her to stop communicating with other members of the opposite sex. Of course, this strains your relationship.
Also, constant accusations of cheating when it has never happened can hurt your partner. It probably pains him or her to stay in a relationship with you when there’s no trust.
Tennessee psychologists Jerika Norona and Deborah Welsh have proven that emotional insecurity can produce unwanted relationship outcomes. They sampled 217 undergraduates who embarked on relationships for about three weeks.
They found that the undergraduates who had poor perceptions of themselves couldn’t strike a proper balance when depending on their partners. Furthermore, they were hypersensitive to rejection.
How to deal with relationship insecurity
If you feel overwhelmed by worry that your relationship is about to break down, you’ll have to manage your fear. Here’s how you can stop feeling insecure about your significant other:
1. Remind yourself that you complement your partner
First of all, remember that you complete him or her. Both of you will complement each other if you are in a well-matched relationship. Think about how you better your partner’s life, and how he or she does the same for you.
When you think about what you have to offer instead of what you feel you can’t, you’ll appreciate yourself. More importantly, your partner will value you.
2. Develop self-esteem
Studies prove that people with relationship insecurities have low self-confidence. It can put a burden on your partner and push him or her away.
Feel good about yourself. If you like yourself, the chances are that your partner will love you. Be aware of feeling unworthy of your significant other and resist the temptation to criticize yourself.
3. Be independent
Your relationship should have boundaries. Your partner should have the freedom to take care of his or her well-being, and so should you. It will progress if both of you feel fulfilled. Make time for your friends and family, and allow your partner to do the same.
4. Trust yourself
Finally, remember that you can take care of yourself no matter how your partner lives his or her life. Be confident that you will not lose your sense of self.
In all, you will communicate better with your partner if you know what causes insecurity in your relationship and how to manage these triggers.
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