We all want that fairytale relationship, but unfortunately, they’re rare – there are many red flags you must be aware of.
I didn’t want to hear it. No, I didn’t want to see the signs that my relationship was dying. I tried so many ways to save the union I had between my partner and me, but it just came tumbling down. So I failed to see the red flags in my relationship that was already gone. Left with heartbreak, I learned many things about life and love.
What are the red flags in a relationship?
Red flags in relationships are indicators we mostly take for granted. They can be subtle or they can be “in your face” obvious. They sometimes present themselves as quiet revelations that change your mindset and cause you to reminisce about a simpler time, a better time.
When your mind starts to wander, this is one way you know that something’s wrong. You can look at your partner and feel differently about them.
Let’s get to the bottom of these indicators
But let’s not hash out these red flags without listing each and every one of them I personally know. We need to understand what they look like so we can understand how to make changes in our lives.
And yes, we will want to change once we realize just how obvious these red flags are. Here is a list of red flags that may be in your relationship.
1. Varied sex drives
To speak on this lightly, I will say that one red flag is when intimacy is not aligned. Maybe one partner craves intimate attention every day, but the other only craves this sort of attention once or twice a month.
If these things aren’t aligned, there is room for feelings of rejection or resentment. Varied sex lives may point to the fact that something bigger than just intimacy.
2. The ex’s are always crazy
It’s a huge red flag during a relationship if your partner is always calling his ex-girlfriend crazy. No many how many times he references her, he is never at fault for any dispute that happened between the two. Although you don’t start worrying about it early on, you will start to notice a pattern eventually.
3. Raising voices
If your partner starts raising her voice, then something is wrong. This usually happens during disagreements when one person cannot converse in a healthy manner. This tantrum is a way to divert the other partner into ending the confrontation and is a childish way to do so. When this starts happening, it will only get worse. This red flag means it’s time to leave.
4. There is no trust
It’s a big red flag in most relationships when there is no trust. Some relationships lack trust because of a breach of trust, and loyalty has to be earned again, but with normal relationships, trust is a must. Trust should be easy when there’s no reason to feel uncomfortable.
5. Mood swings are common
When your partner is angry and irritable one day and then the next day they are nice and loving, that’s a red flag. Yes, it’s possible that something may have happened which needs to be addressed. This is fairly normal.
But, it could also mean that tensions are brewing due to the fact that the relationship is dissolving. Partners get confused and angry when they feel the tension.
6. They’re secretive
Keeping secrets from one another is a huge red flag. Even though privacy is important, secrets and lies are bad news. Just keep in mind, small secrets eventually grow into major secrets, even betraying trust. Also, remember to be honest as well to influence and reinforce non-secretive behavior.
7. They use guilt trips
If your partner is making you feel guilty for everything you bring up or try to discuss, then this is an indication that you might be with the wrong person. Not everything is one person’s fault, and this should stop being an issue immediately. Otherwise, you might want to look into ending the union.
8. Hiding your relationship
This is the most obvious red flag in a serious relationship. You should never ignore the fact that your partner will not admit to your relationship. If they are hiding you from others, it’s time to move on. There are plenty of people out there who would love to show you off to their friends and family. Don’t waste your time with this.
9. They will not apologize…ever
If you’re with someone who never apologizes, then you could be seeing a glaring red flag. No one is right all the time, and sometimes they just cause pain. When a person is wrong, they should apologize for the things they do or say. Some people, unfortunately, cannot do that. This is not someone you need to build a future with because if they cannot apologize, guess who will be to blame? You!
10. They are unreliable
You need to be with someone who will help you when you need it. You need to be able to trust plans and promises as well. If your boyfriend is unreliable, then this means you will only be able to trust yourself to get things done. Each person in the relationship has responsibilities, and that’s why this is so important.
11. Lack of healthy communication
Communication is important, and it doesn’t matter what you’re talking about either. If you’re not able to convey an issue or solve a problem without yelling or insulting one another, then this could be a huge relationship red flag.
Communication has to be done in order to live an open and honest relationship and build a strong bond.
12. Feeling insecure
If your partner is doing or saying anything that makes you feel insecure, then you should talk about it. If communication skills are weak, then this may not be possible. You may be left feeling insecure for most of the relationship. A healthy relationship should make you feel secure and safe, not leave you questioning where you stand with your partner.
13. Abuse of any kind
If you’re being abused, either physically or emotionally, you should get out of the relationship and fast. Abuse never really goes away, and you’re cheating yourself out of a healthy relationship elsewhere.
As far as red flags go, this one can damage your mental health and even post a danger to your physical well being. Do what’s necessary to get away from this sort of situation.
Do these red flags speak to you?
It’s never a good feeling to realize your relationship is unhealthy. No matter how hard you try, you always seem to feel uneasy about something concerning your partner. Unfortunately, red flags in a serious relationship mean it’s time to seek help or call it what it is – the end.
Before you end your relationship, however, take a long hard look at each of these indicators and see if they match your situation and life. If there are only a few matches, then maybe there is hope. It’s going to take communication if you’re willing to stay. Most importantly, take good care of your mental health and do what has to be done either way.
You are strong and you will find the answers in your life.
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- Feeling Neglected in a Relationship? Why It Happens and What to Do - July 6, 2020
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