An unloved daughter will have a harder life than most, no matter how rich or privileged she is in other ways.

When a child does not receive proper affection from her family, she will not develop the social skills necessary to form healthy relationships.

Even if unloved daughters find love later in life, they will always be affected negatively by their loveless parents.

If you are an unloved daughter, here are seven things you will be able to relate to.

1. You see the world as unsafe

When you go through childhood as a loved member of the family, you see the world as a safe place. Your parents are supposed to empower you, giving you the love you need to succeed in life. On the other hand, if you go through life without receiving this type of unconditional love, you will feel the opposite.

People are seen as untrustworthy because you’ve never been given reason to trust them. When you are a child your family is what you know, they are your whole world. If you grew up feeling like the world around you was untrustworthy, this feeling will only worsen with age.

2. It’s hard to develop intimate relationships

Your ability to form relationships is something you learn as a child from your environment, largely your immediate family. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your parents directly teach you as often you learn indirectly. You watch your family interact with others as well as yourself.

If you lack these experiences, developing close relationships will be very hard for you, even later in life. This study, by the National Academies Press, shows how even infants actively seek out environmental stimulation 

3. You look for love in the wrong places

Your parents never loved you sufficiently as a child, so you will long for affection for the rest of your life. With such a strong desire to fill this gap that you’ll often accept “love” from the wrong people. Unloved children are more likely to stay in abusive relationships as they view the good days as worth it.

When they haven’t received quality love from their parents, they have no healthy comparison to base their love life off of.

4. You constantly question your partner’s love for you

Even when you do find a good partner who loves you in a healthy way, you can’t seem to let your guard down. Negative relationships are the norm for you and it’s hard for you to believe that this one won’t end up a disappointment like everything else.

The lack of value placed on you, by your parents, has to lead you to believe you are not worth much. You always feel surprised that your partner actually wants to be with you.

5. Feeling excluded even when you shouldn’t

Psychology Ph.D. Beverly Amsel writes here, “When parental involvement is limited, children typically receive scant mirroring or encouragement.” Never receiving encouragement from your parents results in low self-esteem. This falsely leads you to believe you are not good enough.



It’s hard for you to interact in social situations as you feel excluded from the group. In reality, though, the group which you feel excluded from may have no negative thoughts of you at all. You don’t feel included in a social group because you haven’t made the effort to simply join the group.

Your low self-esteem causes you to feel shy. You don’t want to take a risk on this group rejecting you.

6. Feeling guilty when you shouldn’t

People always make you feel ungrateful for complaining about your below average parents. When you voice your negative reflections of your childhood, others will tell you how much worse they had it. These other people will say that at least you had a roof over your head and food to eat every day.

They will go on to say that, much of the world is worse off than you in comparison. Though you have some of your basic needs met, according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, you have far from all of them met without a loving upbringing.

You have the right to feel your childhood was unfair because being loved is just as important as being fed and clothed.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle, M.Sc., B.Sc.

Copyright © 2014-2020 Life Advancer. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.

This Post Has 15 Comments

  1. Avatar
    Nanette

    Why i am loved ❤️ By Jesus and he can handle my past and my future. Looking back will only cause you to fall.

  2. Avatar
    Jayne Hughes

    shared with many thanks

  3. Avatar
    Lisa hammond

    It would have been nice to have had a positive conclusion to the article ❤️

  4. Avatar
    Marianne

    Thanks so much for the article. I’ve tired myself out for years feeling guilty for my disappointment, and thinking if I just prayed and trusted more. I’ve come to believe now though that you can’t heal what you don’t feel. I’m a Christian, but I still have to clean and bandage wounds in order to prevent infection. The same principle applies here. I’m going to give the damage from my childhood some light and air.

  5. Avatar
    Allie

    Well, this article sums up my life. Especially points 2, 5 and 6.

  6. Avatar
    Allie

    And YES Nanette! I wholeheartedly agree.

  7. Avatar
    Carmen de Bruin

    I agree totally with all these dynamics after being abandoned at 4 and single at 52. I’m not religious and rather put my faith in the ability to achieve what I’ve chosen for my life. It’s incredibly lonely out there especially when people harp in being grateful when that DOESNT fill the horrible void you’re left to deal with, the perspective was most welcoming for us souls that question life constantly, a really goo article, much appreciated 🙏

  8. Avatar
    Gloria Rizo

    It’s unfortunate that only negative outcome was shared for the victims, why not share hope and happy endings for already lifelong suffering of women, because this article is only about daughters, when I thought about it, it seems like daughters continue to be victimized by unloved sons who probably become psychopaths/narcissists, so here’s my input, we women need to not allow negative people continue to victimize us, start loving ourselves, boost self esteem and thrive, let’s show the world how strong we are and that our happiness is not in third party hands but inside ourselves.

  9. Avatar
    Lisa

    Quite interesting …dropped off at two…picked up at seven…molested..went through my mothers second divorce..went to dad at nine and from eleven up was always being sexually abused by someone but never ever a family member..raped at fourteen by a couple of boys…met my future husband at fifteen and had our first baby by sixteen…he died at thirty two from a horrible car accident…he was a very dear man…I’m 56. I was so unloved..as a child…it felt this way and I have a very very few memories…

  10. Avatar
    Karen

    Lisa,
    I am so sorry to hear about the suffering you went through as a child. It breaks my heart. I, too, went through the trauma of sexual abuse. I want to tell you that having few memories of your childhood is not unusual for trauma victims. Many, including myself, have this issue. I would recommend you seek out a therapist who specializes in trauma therapy if you want to work some of this out. I’m 62 and began therapy about 3 years ago. I am working this out and also working on myself after 20 years with a covert narcissist. That is actually what led me to therapy and I have discovered through group therapy that there are many, many others like us. It’s a process of peeling the onion to discover where those memories reside. I am happier than I’ve ever been and I highly recommend therapy. If you can’t afford private therapy, many therapists offer group therapy for victims of sexual abuse and it is often very helpful to share with people who have been through things just like you. Thank you for being brave enough to come here and share. I am sorry for the loss of your husband and I hope you will explore this more when you are able. There is much happiness in your future…despite the deplorable way you were treated growing up. I wish you well.

  11. Avatar
    Heather

    I was molested by a babysitter who was my neighbors son at age 5. Parents divorced at age 9. Abused by moms various subsequent boyfriends. Moved away from father when my moms parents were dying n we never returned to my home state from age 10. Father didn’t keep in contact much. No birthday wishes or merry Christmas from him my whole life till I was about 28 he visited to our new home but I didn’t speak to him when he did. I was too angry with him for not being there my whole life till that point, only for him to return home n die in an accidental fire in his apartment a couple months later. Leaving me wishing I told him how much I needed him n how much I needed his love. I didn’t even get to say that even though he wasn’t there I still loved him anyway. As an adult I haven’t had any meaningful relationships. I seem to get stuck with men who can’t take care of themselves instead of one who has his shit together. So my life as a result hasn’t progressed at all. I’m still living in my mother’s house with my codependent boyfriend who won’t move on despite my pleading with him. So ya I agree with everything in this article as well and relate to all 6. Things

  12. Avatar
    Heather

    Also at 14 I met a boy that I was instantly enamored with. I thought to myself he is the one. I was a virgin at the time. He was 17. The first time when went to a party together he insisted on giving me a ride home. When we pulled into my apartments he started kissing me , but then things went too far. I was so into this boy I wanted to lose it to him but, I remember it being very painful n trying to say stop but the pain would only allow a whisper to come out. I tried repeatedly to get the word out for him to hear me but he didn’t stop n continued until he was done. There was blood all over the seat. He kissed me goodnight n I went inside n that was the last time I saw him for 2 years. It never occurred to me till I was an adult that I was raped when losing my virginity. It’s sad too because after the two years of not hearing from him he reappeared out of the blue and I dated him for almost 6 years off n on.

  13. Avatar
    Heather

    Now at age 35 despite being stuck in a relationship that’s not serving me in any way have tried to find a good man, but can’t seem to not ruin my chances with all my emotional scars. I did find one, but I completely ruined everything with him in only a short period of time. It’s been over a year since he stopped talking to me but I think of him n miss him every day. Since then I have stopped trying to find someone to fix me n decided to try to work on myself. Maybe I’ll have better luck in the future.

  14. Avatar
    Tammy

    4 times at love.. maybe this is the last. Parents divorced at 4….mom left…dad remarried and I got left with a woman who hated me and so I cant pick someone who does t helo ne feel like a worthless piece of shit all the time. My kids hate me.

  15. Avatar
    Yandisa

    SOLUTIONS PLEASE: Anyone who has, please shine some light.
    What is the toolkit for partners who are in relationships with these ‘daughters’, what can we do to change these perceptions, or views.

    1. You see the world as unsafe
    4. You constantly question your partner’s love for you
    5. Feeling excluded even when you shouldn’t

    From a concerned husband.

Leave a Reply