Self-sabotage is often that one thing that stops us from living your dreams. Could you be sabotaging yourself without even knowing? Check out the 10 signs below.
Whether you are guilty of self-sabotage or not, most probably, you have a dream life. In your dream life, everything is perfect the way you want them to be.
You are working on your dream job. You love your job so much that you feel excited every morning when you are about to step out of the door and head to your work.
Your family is happy. You are able to support your family with every need. You spend a lot of time with your family and never miss any of your children’s plays. Your house is full of love and laughter. And your heart is dancing every morning when you see them!
In reality, though, things aren’t exactly what you dream about.
Your job is sucking the living soul out of you. You are so busy to even come home for dinner and barely see your children’s faces when they are still awake. At the same time, you always need more money.
You miss out a lot of your children’s special events. Your wife complains about how ignorant you are and how tired she feels. Every morning you wake up before you even get out of bed, you think about all the jobs you have to do that day, and you just hope nothing will go wrong.
Your only place to escape from your reality is at night, after the house is quiet, and you have some free time to dream about how your dream life will look like. You may not want to hear this. It’s your responsibility. How your life turns out is 100% your responsibility. You cannot play a victim here because you are not one.
“But I’m doing everything I can. You cannot charge me being guilty for my wife doesn’t want to talk to me”, you might think.
The thing is, you might be sabotaging yourself and your life without knowing it. Out of these 10 signs of self-sabotage, which one are you guilty of?
1. You focus on the wrong things
Life has up and down. But we all tend to focus on the downsides. We forget to celebrate when things are right but we complain when things go wrong.
You will never feel happy if you focus on the negativity. Nothing is permanent. Embrace every moment. This moment is your life.
2. You cannot say no
As a part of being a people-pleaser, you cannot say no to anyone. Your boss gives you an unreasonable quest, but instead of saying no and going home on time, you keep it for yourself and try to stay at work to complete it.
But you forget one thing. If you cannot say no, people will not remember to give you credit. People only appreciate you when they are desperately in need, and you are there to save the day.
But if you are always there, they will put you as the backup plan in their mind and forget to consider that you have a life of your own.
3. You try to become someone you are not
You think some people are cool because they are smarter, younger, fitter or prettier than you. Thus, you try to become them, in the hope that you will appear as cool as they are.
Here’s the thing. You are unique and special because you are yourself. Stop trying so hard to become someone else to win people’s affection. Because if they love you, they will love you for who you are.
4. You lie to yourself
You can lie to everyone but yourself. Stop pretending that things are okay when they aren’t. This is one of the worst forms of self-sabotage.
If you don’t like something in your current life, do not convince yourself that you are okay with it, do something to change it.
5. You dwell on the past
The past cannot hurt you anymore unless you let it. You cannot move on if you don’t give your past the closure it needed.
6. You beat yourself up
You set unrealistic goals for yourself and expect you to be a superman who can cross everything off your 3-mile-long to-do list. When you don’t, you beat yourself up.
Success is not a sprint. It is a marathon. Your life is like a marathon too. Give yourself enough rest to stay in it in the long run.
7. You don’t want to get out of your comfort zone
You are afraid of changes and uncertainties and prefer staying inside your comfort zone rather than taking chances.
Comfort zone means a predictable life. You cannot expect your life to turn out extraordinary if you don’t dare to do something wild.
8. You try to make things perfect
You spend a lot of time trying to make things perfect and refuse to make a move until your result is guaranteed. For this reason, you refuse to follow your dream simply because you don’t want to start over.
The world doesn’t need more perfectionists who cannot get started. The world always has room for improvement.
9. You forget to give love to receive love
You are ungrateful toward people around you. This is because you are too tired of being a people-pleaser at work and of all the messes you have to go through. When you get home, you throw your tantrums to your loved ones and complain about the smallest things they do that bug you.
In return, your loved ones become defensive and resentful. You forget to give love to receive love. There is no unconditional love. Even if there is, you are not going to receive it if what you do kills that love every day.
10. You try to control others
You want your house to be tidy and neat. Similarly, you want your partner and loved ones to do exactly everything you tell them. Because you know better than them. If they just do what they are told, things will turn out okay.
You are not living their lives. Stop trying to control everything and everyone around you. Your life is 100% your responsibility. So are theirs. Learn this boundary and respect it.
You will thrive, as soon as you stop self-sabotage.
Imagine when you are no longer guilty of any signs of self-sabotage above.
You focus on the things that really matter to you. You let go the past. At the same time, you don’t care about how other people see you. You leave work on time and spend more time with your family. You take your chances and put yourself out there to see what you are capable of.
Your family loves the new changes. You have time to help around the house. You have time to listen to them, to appreciate them and to let them know how much you care. In return, your house starts to fill with laughter and jokes.
You give your body enough rest. You work smarter, not harder. And most importantly, you know what your dream is and you are working toward your dream every day.
Even though the first few steps are humble, you know you are going to make it to the end.
Slowly but steady, things start to get pretty.
It’s not impossible. It depends on you and you only. Stop self-sabotage and give yourself a chance to thrive.
Author Bio: Mai Pham believes we can create our own happiness. She created Live a Worthy Life with a mission to help you to redesign your life and live to your fullest potential.