You have to be yourself and learn how to stop being a people pleaser. It’s just not healthy for your self-esteem.

Pleasing others is good sometimes, especially if you’re doing something from the kindness of your heart. But always striving to make people happy, regardless of your own worth, is never a good thing. Learning how to stop being a people pleaser should be one of your goals in life. Why? Because always wanting to please others will eventually make you feel quite empty.

How to appreciate our true self

Basically, when we focus too much on pleasing others and caring about what they think, we aren’t appreciating ourselves. We are damaging our integrity, and later, we will regret this. So, to understand how we can refrain from pleasing people, we can practice a few things…such as a few of these moves.

1. Only apologize if it’s your fault

There are many people who feel the need to apologize whether it’s actually their fault or not. This is one way they’ve fallen into the trap of people pleasing. In a way, they are afraid the other people will dislike them if they don’t take the blame. Are they being the bigger person for doing this? No, they aren’t. They are showing the other person that they can be easily manipulated in the future.

2. Stop feeding off praise

One way to stop the process of people pleasing is to stop soaking up praises. Now, this may be extremely hard to do, considering this behavior could have come from a long history of doing good and receiving praise. Now, nothing is wrong with doing good, or even receiving a bit of feedback, but if it happens too often, you may find yourself suffering without attention.

This will turn you into a people pleaser who needs the praise to function.

3. Set boundaries

If your way of being a people pleaser is always being there for someone, then here’s the angle on that. Helping others and doing good, as I said before, is not a bad thing. However, helping someone who is draining, say they are negative all the time, is definitely unhealthy. You have to set boundaries on that. Maybe you can be there for a while but learn to pull back before things get heavy.

Their negativity can be contagious, giving you the heaviness while they take your happiness, making them feel better.

4. Be selective

Also, you can choose who you want to please. If you must please someone as a helpful person, do this with the right motivation and priority. And, here’s a question to guide you as well, “Who gets first place in your life?” Obviously, if your parents need help, they should come before a friend, on most occasions. So, being selective helps you stop being a people pleaser.

5, Talk good to yourself

Understand your self-worth. See your beauty and appreciate your intellect. Then, talk to yourself about it. Tell yourself how important you are, and how you should come first sometimes. Also, remind yourself that you cannot please all the people all of the time. At some point, someone will dislike you, and that’s okay. You’re strong enough to accept this. Tell yourself this truth every day until you get it.

6. Start with baby steps

You may not be able to stop being such a people pleaser overnight, but you can do it. The secret is to take baby steps. With one step at a time, you can slowly balance your life, pleasing you and others in an equal amount. Trust me, just breathe, and get ready to say that first, “no”.

7. Say no, again and again

Speaking of saying “no”, that first one will be hard to give. People will get angry by being denied, especially by someone they’re used to using, for a lack of a better word. Well, maybe they’re not really using you, but they’ve grown accustomed to running to you for help all the time. But when you tell them no the first time, it will get easier.

Before you know it, you will be saying no every time you feel the need for some personal space.



8. Reward yourself for pleasing yourself

Every time you choose yourself over another, not in a selfish way, mind you, you should reward yourself. Say you set boundaries against loaning money to certain people, and you decide to say no, well pat yourself on the back. By the way, this is usually one of the hardest boundaries to set too.

The reason you reward yourself is to help you build strength and show a little tough love. You cannot give too much, especially financially, because some people will come to you all the time. In the meantime, they will spend their own money on pleasure instead of the responsibilities they now need your help to fix. Do you get my drift? Appreciate yourself for saying no in cases like this.

9. Think it over carefully

When it comes to stopping the process of people pleasing, it’s okay to take some time to think. When they ask for something, tell them you’ll think about it. This gives you the opportunity to genuinely think things over and make logical instead of rash decisions. Many people actually depend on you to make rash decisions, and so they will say nevermind if you have to wait.

This is a prime indicator that you’re actually being used. Think it over, and weed out the negative intentions of others. Ah, you didn’t think of that, did you?

Stop! Just stop being such a people pleaser

Learning how to stop being a people pleaser will take some time. But I have confidence in you. I am actually in the process of teaching a few people that I DO know how to say “No”. And yes, they hate it. But if they truly care about me, they will also respect it and get over it too.

The objective here is to stay true to your standards, morals, and what makes you truly happy. When you do this, despite the consequences vaulted by others, you will win in the end. Go on, with your bad self, and appreciate who you are! I dare you!



References:

  1. https://psychcentral.com/
  2. https://www.mindful.org/

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