You may be thinking, what marriage advice could a divorcee give? But read on, you will be pleasantly surprised with what this divorced man has to say about maintaining a successful marriage.
Here are sixteen pieces of marriage advice that if you are married, will help your marriage last the tests of time.
If you aren’t married, it will give you some insight into how to sustain a healthy relationship. Gerald Rogers’s marriage ended in divorce, he lost the love of his wife but he came to realise what he could have done in hindsight to stop it from ending.
He shares this profound marriage advice with us.
1. Never stop dating
Gerald says you should never get lazy in your love life, be the same man who proposed to her and don’t become complacent just because you are married. Go on dates, they don’t have to be great expensive ones, even just a walk around a park and a coffee, make her feel special by wanting to spend time with her.
2. Protect your heart
Keep a place in your heart just for her, and no one else. Love your friends, love yourself and the world you live in but make sure there is a special place, just for her, and that she knows it.
3. Fall in love with her more than once
It’s inevitable that you will change, and so will she. When you have children/ move jobs/ even get a pet, you will change from the people you once were. But you must make sure that you choose her, over and over, every day.
Even when you both change, remind yourself of the core of your love for her. Always see your love affair as a fight that you must win, just like when you were dating.
4. Always look for the best in her
Don’t focus on the things that annoy you about her, none of us is perfect and we will all annoy our spouses at some point, but don’t focus on the negative, focus on the positive. If you focus on her positives, you won’t see any of the other unimportant stuff.
You will realise that you are the luckiest person in the world to have this woman or man, love just you. This is an extremely important piece of marriage advice.
5. Do not fix her, it is not your job
When you fell in love, you loved her for her, not so that you could change her or improve her or fix her faults. That’s for her to do. Your job is to love her.
6. Take accountability
You must be responsible to make yourself happy and content in life. It is not her job to make you happy, you are responsible for your own happiness, she should bring even more joy to your life, not be the reason for your joy.
When you reach that point of happiness, it will spill over into your relationship, and it will be all the better for it.
7. Don’t get angry at her
You are responsible for your own feelings and you should take responsibility for those feelings. Just like the point above, that you must make yourself happy and not rely on others, you also can’t blame her for your anger.
When you get angry, look inside yourself, why are you actually angry? You picked this woman because she was suited to your emotions, so you could heal from any painful emotions you felt. You must heal yourself, once you do that you won’t be triggered by her and you won’t blame her.
8. Be silly
Enjoy being silly together, laugh and don’t take yourself or life too seriously, it is too short.
9. Fill her soul
Get her to make a list of 10 things that make her feel loved and memorize it! That way, you will make her feel wonderful every day.
10. Be present
Probably the most important piece of marriage advice is to give her your time. It may seem something so small, but women want to know they are wanted, and what better way than to give her the time, even if it’s just a chat in the morning in bed before you get up.
11. Don’t be a fool
Don’t be afraid of being an idiot. You will both make mistakes and that is ok. As long as you can learn from your mistakes, then they aren’t a bad thing. Don’t dwell on them.
12. Be sexual
Don’t let your sex life melt away just because you are married. Continue to love her deeply, passionately and often.
13. Have space
Give her space and you take some too. She needs to take the time to look after herself, whether that’s physical, mentally or emotionally and you should let her. She will come back to you with renewed energy and love and be so glad to be with you.
It’s really important for her to take this time if you have children, it’s important for her to re-align herself and not to get lost just being a wife and a mother.
14. Be fully transparent
You have to be able to share the good and the bad, and you have to have the courage to let her in especially if you think she won’t like what she sees. But don’t be scared, she will love you entirely.
15. Don’t stop growing
As the saying goes, ‘ the stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool’ so don’t ever stop working on your relationship, don’t let it stagnate because that’s when it goes wrong and you drift.
16. Forgive immediately
Do not hold grudges, and forgive quickly, you have to focus on the future rather than focusing on the pain from the past. You can’t hold onto your past mistakes as it will weigh you down and hold you back.
So although this marriage advice has come from a divorced man, it’s advice you should follow. Gerald learned the hard way but passed on what he learned in his heartache to help those who may need it.
His parting words were, be the type of husband your wife wants to brag about!
By Holly W.