Too much analyzing can be damaging to both your relationship and your mental health. Are you overthinking relationships too much?
I have a friend who analyses everything, from conversations, text messages to looks she receives, it’s absolutely exhausting.
I understand that as human beings it was extremely important to our survival that we quickly analyzed situations, but let’s face it, this is the 21st century.
There are no saber-toothed tigers lurking in the jungle and most of us (thankfully) have what we need in life. So when it comes to overthinking relationships, just how much analyzing should we do in order to have a successful partnership?
If you think you might be one of those people that is guilty of overthinking relationships then, here are the signs and what you can do about them:
1. Live in the moment, not inside your head
If the majority of your relationship takes place inside your own head, you should step out and get some perspective.
Do you find yourself getting distracted when you are with your partner? Overthinking whilst you are together spoiling the time you are experiencing in that moment. Try living in the present and concentrate on being present, not living in your head.
2. Overthinking every moment with your partner
If you do tend to live in the moment with your partner but then have an irresistible urge to go over and over what you have just experienced, you’ll never be satisfied with them.
If you constantly analyze what has been said or done, you can find fault with just about anything. Let the past go and live for today and tomorrow.
3. You always assume the worst has happened
You know the type, the kind of people that when they don’t receive a text message from a friend – that friend has obviously had a tragic accident. Or the person who treats their partner’s late nights at the office as a sign of a torrid love affair.
If you have reasonable proof or past experience that worries you about your partner, fair enough. But if there is no reason to suspect your partner is up to something, then you have to trust them. If they let you down, it will happen, whether you are analyzing their every move or not.
4. You predict future bad behavior
You might feel as if you are preparing yourself for a future shock, but what, in fact, you are doing is missing out on what is going on right now, which might be amazing!
But how would you know because you’re focused on what could go wrong in the future? This is just as bad as analyzing the past. Concentrate on what is happening right now and with a positive attitude, not a negative one.
5. You see patterns and coincidences in everything
From an evolutionary point of view, the ability to see patterns helped to keep us safe. We learned to group certain details into categories and assign them characteristics.
However, seeing patterns that are not present while overthinking relationships can make it hard for us to live in the real world and not one of our own makings. Coincidences are just that, random occurrences that do not merit further investigation or to need to have the meaning assigned to them.
Accept that sometimes, in this vast universe, odd quirks of fate can just materialize, after-all, without it the world probably wouldn’t even be here.
6. You are unable to let something go
People who are prone to overthinking relationships often have a hard time at letting go of an assumption or thought once it has taken root. Generally speaking, we confront a problem, communicate in order to solve it and then, once a compromise has been reached, we move on.
Over-thinkers in relationships have to keep going over and over the same old narrative until they are satisfied with the outcome or answer. By this time, their partner is probably so frustrated that they have left.
You don’t have to be right or analyze the death out of something, relax and (like the song) let it go.
Remember, overthinking relationships never did any relationship any good and it certainly won’t help yours, even if you are going through a tricky patch.
Try instead to communicate better and understand why you need to overthink things, otherwise, you are putting your relationship at risk.
By Janey D.
Copyright © 2014-2020 Life Advancer. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.