There’s a new approach to relationships that may seem odd. Living apart together seems to be gaining in popularity.

Hey, I’m from the old school, and it never crossed my mind to marry someone and live in different homes, but now, it seems like a viable option.

Apparently, living apart together, or LAT, is something people do a lot these days. While I don’t think I would be a fan, there are many who claim it works great for them. It has even improved the overall lifestyle and peace of mind for some people. Let’s delve into the subject, shall we?

The first thing I have to get clear is that couples who decide to try LAT are not doing this to just get away from each other and see other people. No, that’s not the purpose of what I’ve understood. These couples are still devoted fully to the relationship or marriage, they just want their own space. They miss the feeling of dating and being able to return home to their own independence.

Some couples aren’t matched in many issues either. While one may love lots of quiet time, the other may like loud sports and drink with buddies. Don’t assume, this could be either way around, guys.

Extreme independence

When you live apart, but you’re together, you have a few good points and bad points surrounding your situation. One of the good points of living apart but still being in together is that your home is all yours. Your partner also shares a home of their own as well.

Much of what I’ve read so far is about the good part is having your own bathroom and other living spaces. Women, we don’t have to clean up hairs from their shaving and men, you don’t have to clean our hygienic products off the sink constantly.

You can each do laundry as you please and cook if you want, or if not, just grab a sandwich. It’s about living in your own state of cleanliness and having no pressure. See, there’s a good point.

Sleeping apart and sharing parenting

A bad part about this, in my opinion, is the lack of falling asleep together. I see this as one of my favorite parts of living with my husband. Being able to feel his warmth beside me and know he is there with me is nice. Of course, this may not be as important of a point as independence to some.

But it’s a little more serious than that. Living apart together seems to have become a popular modern trend even if a couple has children. The father may stay until the children are tucked into bed, return to his own home and then come back to help with breakfast. Hmm, it seems like a lot of trouble to me, personally. But if it works for some, I guess it works pretty well.

In some circumstances, different homes may be at distances too far for this sort of interaction, and children get less time with one or more parents. I hate to say it, but it seems like joint custody in this case. But there goes my opinion again, and it’s just an opinion.

Bringing back the romance

Many couples see living apart together as a way to rekindle special feelings that have faded over time. You know that initial falling in love feeling where you just can’t get enough of each other, yeah that. Well, couples have attested that living apart has given them plenty of time to miss each other, which makes their reunion even sweeter.

They can meet for coffee, continue to go out on dates and even have a sleepover, but only every now and then. Remember, living apart means living apart.

Why do couples adopt a ‘living apart together’ lifestyle?

There are three ways that living apart together can be accomplished. There’s not just one way about conducting this process.

  • The process can be used as a last effort to fix a failing marriage. Maybe a husband and wife think if they can live apart for a while, rekindle their first feelings for one another, then return to cohabitation, their marriage can be saved. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t.
  • Some couples see living apart for a while as a short trial, maybe for a year or two. In this case, the couple works through issues alone, develop trust and establish friends outside the relationship. The purpose of this trial is to remember who you are independent of one another. Usually, in those couple of years, the couple reunites and reinstates the family home.
  • The third way that living apart happens within marriages, is some couples marry and never live together. They actually spend their entire married life living in separate homes. While they may have children, the mother is usually the main caretaker, with the father helping out during his visits. Some couples, however, who live like this as a lifestyle, never have children. That point makes it easier for them. So, I guess it works out.

The bottom line is…

Actually, there is no bottom line. As a couple, you must decide what you want together. This sort of decision has to be made as one, 100%, or it will not work out. If you want to live the old fashioned way, you know, together, then that’s wonderful too.

Either way, I sincerely hope it works out and marriages and relationships thrive. It’s always heartbreaking to see love fall apart.

I wish you well.



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