Serial dater is a new kind of species that has an unnatural expertise on the dating sites and apps that are so readily available.
A serial dater is not necessarily narcissistic or immoral, as many seem to think that that they are, they’re just not looking for a romantic connection to turn into a relationship.
They enjoy the single lifestyle, yet still, want to connect with others. Serial daters have cheated the system and figured out how to get what they want.
For them, it’s win-win, for the people they’re dating… not so much. Serial daters can leave a lot of people broken hearted if their efforts are successful, and they have become a breed that many hope to avoid.
How to spot one
Always the center of attention and knows how to make a powerful first impression. A serial dater is a very social person; they know how to make themselves seem like the most interesting person in the room, so when they give you the attention you feel like the lucky one.
They know how to make you feel special and interesting, giving you the impression you are the only one they are interested in. Unfortunately, this is probably not the case. Typically, serial daters have always got someone to talk to and flirt with and you haven’t got as deep a connection as you seem to think you do.
They will refrain from getting to know each other at all costs and avoid conversations about the relationship at all costs. Serial daters revel in the fun and exciting ‘honeymoon’ phase, but once this wears out, their emotional distance will make it easy to swing from one relationship to the next.
They don’t play by the unwritten rules of good dating. The thrill of the chase and the honeymoon phase is higher in their list of priorities than a real connection with another person.
Why do they do it?
There are a number of reasons why people serially date. Primarily it is because they enjoy the single lifestyle and don’t want to be committed to just one person. They enjoy the fun and exciting beginning of a relationship and the ego boost they get when they have someone interested in them but love is definitely not on the cards.
They may have been burned by a previous relationship and aren’t ready to commit to another person. We have all been heartbroken by the end of a relationship, and it can make some wary to try again. Others may have issues with self-esteem and crave the validation that they feel when someone is interested in them.
A rare kind of serial dater has become reliant on dating sites and apps to try and find The One. They are quick to try dating new people in an attempt to find that magical connection, but without having their full attention on one person, these attempts to find The One usually fail.
They may think that the more people they date, the greater chances they have, but they end up not giving a chance to a single person. This is a classic pitfall of many daters, but some take it to an extreme and find themselves falling within the serial dating category.
Why are there so many?
Serial daters have always existed, and the typical stereotype is the commitment-phobic man who isn’t ready to settle down yet, but this isn’t always the case. Nowadays, there are many men and women who are looking to further other areas of their lives before they want to settle down, and this is a classic motivation for many serial daters.
The significant changes to the dating world, such as dating apps and quick online dating sites, have created an environment that makes it so much easier to meet new people and try to make a special connection. Unfortunately, it’s also created an environment that makes it very easy for serial daters to thrive.
They no longer have to put the work into making their numerous romantic connections, because everything can be done with a swipe of the thumb and a few messages. This environment has made the exploits of a serial dater much easier and much faster, so they can cover more ground.
So, how can we avoid them?
Leave any expectations behind. Placing expectations on a date will put too much pressure in the situation and you may come on too strong. Keeping expectation out of it will allow you to keep the situation relaxed and you can gage how the date seems to be going.
Playfully ask questions that are a little bit more personal. You can then see how they respond and react to these questions, and if they ask you any in return. If they don’t then you can be pretty confident that they have no intentions to make a real connection.
Do things feel rushed? If they do, walk away. Serial daters want to get the end result as fast as possible then move onto the next chase. If they’re not willing to wait, they’re not worth your time.
By Francesca F.