Could you be in a selfish relationship without even realizing it? Pay close attention to the signs below, especially if you are in the initial stage of a relationship.
Most people enter into a relationship, thinking more about what they can gain from it rather than what they can offer to make it special. A selfish relationship is where this pattern persists and, as a result, hinders the personal development of one or both partners.
The purpose of a relationship is not to have another person to complete you but to have someone with whom to share your journey and grow individually together.
Unfortunately, we can never totally know the person with whom we start a relationship, nor do we know how the relationship will evolve.
Yet, if you think that any of the signs in the list below describe your current relationship or marriage, it is more likely that it is not a healthy union but rather a selfish one:
1. You have reached the point where you cannot develop as an individual
While in healthy relationships there is a constant set of personal development goals, in selfish relationships, one of the partners will have the impression that they have to sacrifice their own development and happiness so the relationship can survive.
Analyze it carefully and ask yourself if that’s what you want in the long run.
2. Lack of vitality
Have you ever been around someone who emanates so much negativity through their presence to the point where it leaves you mentally or emotionally exhausted?
These people do not want to be like this, but rather they are victims of a series of circumstances they have experienced throughout their lives. At the same time, it is up to you whether or not to continue a relationship with such a person.
Most of the time, a relationship in which there is such an atmosphere, will not end very well.
3. Sense of guilt
If you are with someone who tends to constantly accuse you as a result of their anger or problems, then the relationship probably has already reached the point where you cannot expect any miracle.
It is normal to have small arguments now and again as the stress can accumulate over time, yet a relationship can only succeed when both partners recognize their qualities and flaws.
Hence, if your partner considers you guilty for all her/his failures, you should think if it is still beneficial to continue the relationship.
4. Conflicts and misunderstandings
Relationships that come to be defined through conflicts, misunderstandings, throwing guilt from one to another, and not resorting to forgiveness at all, are a sure recipe for failure.
5. Manipulative partner
Does your partner constantly try to control different aspects of your life? Does your partner constantly corrects you regardless of the topic of discussion? Argues with you about the house’s expenses, about the time you return home, criticizes the food/clothes you choose?
Then you can expect the worst. This type of behavior will have a strong negative effect on your self-esteem and decisions. You will live with the impression that you will always have to walk on eggshells.
A sign of a selfish relationship is when someone has more control over you than you over yourself. But remember one thing: no one can control you unless you allow it!
6. Not enough space for yourself
When your partner begins to control your life more, that means your personal space disappears.
Even enjoying a cup of coffee on your own in town can become suspicious for your manipulative partner, who will want to be part of your every little activity. This is what happens when you are in a selfish relationship.
7. There is a confusion between emotional needs and being in love
Beware of possessiveness and jealousy because these signs indicate that your partner has some emotional needs or obsessions, rather than wanting to create memories with you.
8. When things go wrong, s/he disappears
When somebody truly loves you will want to be close to you in good times, and even closer in more difficult times.
If you sense that you always have to find solutions on your own or that your partner is absent when you need her/him the most, it may indicate that s/he only enjoys the benefits of the relationship.
9. You feel bad in your own skin
Pay attention to relationships that do not help you grow. If you are in a relationship that does not make you feel comfortable in your own skin, it is probably time to walk away. A mature relationship is based on acceptance and support, not on transforming our partner into someone else.
10. You lower your standards
Make sure you do not forget who you are and what you want while you try to make your partner happy. No matter how much you think you need someone, it’s not worthwhile to lose your connection with yourself.
You matter just as much as your partner and your goals, aspirations or choices should remain unchanged. Sacrificing your desires does not mean that you are loving and it will certainly not make the relationship more stable.
Have you ever been in a selfish relationship?
If yes, what were the warning signs and when did you find the courage to step out of it?
References:
If you want to be in a healthy relationship you can’t be selfish at all. If you’re than it’s not going to work out.