As we try to build relationships to be the best they can be, we often let ourselves dwell on negative thoughts that will hinder your relationship over time.
While many think that these fears are just passing thoughts, for some they are just moments of doubt. However, for many more, there is a fear that is always gnawing in the back of their mind. Are you a victim of these four relationship killer fears?
1. My Partner Will Leave Me
This fear is the most common and most devastating fear many couples have to endure. There are two sides to this fear on how to handle it. On the one hand, you will always strive to be a better person, to keep that person’s interest, it makes you as a couple better. Yet, there is the instability aspect: if you are the best you can be and you still feel like you, and your partner are on shaky ground, there may be underlying reasons as to why. In this case, it may be best to evaluate the relationship in the most objective matter. Are they actively trying to make the relationship secure or are you following along wherever they venture?
2. I Know I Am Going to Get Hurt
I have to say this, this is something a lot of girls are notorious for, and it gets old fast. Not only does your partner start to feel pushed away over time, that simple statement means you do not want the relationship to get serious. When you are dating, there will be make-ups and break-ups, some are nastier than the others. You need to ask yourself if your current partner has done anything for you to elicit that wall. If they haven’t, either take it down or realize you will be falling into a vicious loop of a self-fulfilling prophesy.
3. I’m Not Good Enough
When I hear people spewing this, I have to get a little mad. For one, if you feel like you are not good enough, do something to validate yourself. Two, if you feel like you are good enough, yet your significant other tells you otherwise, believe them. It is very hard to keep a relationship going when you have to build your partner constantly back up because they get into a loop of self-caused depression. Provide them with as much support as you can spare, but if they are the one taking you for granted, be sure to keep those feelings in check.
As a side note, if your partner starts saying that, it may be that they do not feel appreciated. It never hurts to just out of the blue say “I appreciate everything you do for me.” It does make someone’s day when they hear that.
4. I’m A Failure
You see, the funny thing about that statement is that it is one of the most incorrect statements ever made by mankind. How can you be a failure when you have lived this many years? Humans are flawed by nature but here you are, alive and breathing. Your past is just that, the past, don’t let yourself or your partner think those negative thoughts. Take it for learning experiences and move on. If you hold on to all that baggage, you will never be able to make strides towards a more promising future. Everything is achievable in time, take small steps before you decide to leap.
Relationships take constant work, and not a single one is perfect. All of us argue, but it is how we come together to resolve those issues that make us stronger. Instead of falling into a trap of negative thinking, allow your partner or be the one offering support. Often, a person just needs to know someone else is willing to fight a battle with them. Embody confidence, honesty, and trust.
By Brittany G.