Not recognizing the traits that all unhappy relationships have could keep us in a partnership that is bad and even damaging for our self-esteem.

It is vitally important that we learn to see these traits for what they are and understand why they are present in all unhappy relationships.

We ought to know immediately if we are in an unhappy relationship, but sometimes, because we are too invested or involved with the other person, we miss the tell-tale traits.

Here are ten traits that are present in unhappy relationships:

1. Disrespect

Everything starts from this point onwards. If your partner does not respect you, they cannot love you, nurture you, support you or go out to bat for you.

Signs to look out for are:

If your partner mocks you or puts you down in public. If they brush aside your concerns or ideas. Do all these things make you feel unvalued?

2. Jealousy

Being jealous of your partner for no reason is damaging and unhealthy. It overwhelms the relationship as one person is constantly checking up whereas the other is trying to appease.

Signs to look out for:

If your partner has you on a strict timetable, they check your phone or emails, you are constantly worried about what mood they’ll be in.

3. Abuse

This can rear its ugly head in a physical or mental way but both are damaging. You are supposed to love and cherish your partner, not attack them.

Signs to look out for:

Obvious signs of unhappy relationships are being afraid of your partner or worrying about their mood all the time.

4. Dishonesty

Relationships thrive on honesty and being truthful, so it is no surprise that lying to your partner leads to an unhappy relationship.

Signs to look out for:

Your partner starts dismissing your concerns out of hand and accuses you of being over-dramatic.

5. Over-giving

Good relationships are about given and take, which is not true in the case of unhealthy relationships. Do you find yourself always giving whereas your partner is content to sit back and let you do everything? You can only sustain this for so long before you become bitter.

Signs to look out for:

Are you the one who is always doing the housework, feeding the kids, getting dinner, fetching things for your partner? Are you starting to feel resentful?

6. Ineffective Communication

My father always said to me that it didn’t matter what I had done, I could talk to him about it. I remembered this throughout my life. Communication is the key to solving problems, understanding feelings, sorting through disagreements.

Signs to look out for:

Have you got into a routine of not talking? Do you feel an invisible barrier between you and your partner? Do you go to friends and family before speaking to your partner?

7. Constant Arguing

At the start of a relationship, a bit of healthy discourse is acceptable. You are learning about each other’s buttons and how far you can push them. Constant arguing, however, is destructive, unhealthy and will destroy even the best relationships in the end.

Signs to look out for:

Do you itch for the next disagreement? Do you bring up old arguments all the time and find that you cannot let past disagreements go?

8. Feeling Resentful

Doing things for your partner and feeling resentful about them is a big sign that things are not right in your relationship. We should want and love to do stuff for our better halves.

Signs to look out for:

Do you stare at your partner when they are not looking and feel hateful towards them? Can you feel bitterness and rage building up inside so that it is physically painful?

9. Not being your true self

Our partners should love us for our true selves when they see us during the bad times and the good. We should be able to be our absolute true selves with them, so putting on an act, or pretending to be something you are not is not just debilitating over time but is also dishonest to your partner in the long run.

Signs to look out for:

Do you catch yourself before you say something that you think might give your true self away, or you wear clothes you wouldn’t normally wear, or makeup or act in a certain way that doesn’t feel right to you? If you feel you can’t share your deepest thoughts with your partner, you are probably in an unhealthy relationship.

10. Avoidance

Loving partners want to spend as much time with each other as they can. Avoiding your better half is a sign that your relationship is not happy.

Signs to look out for:

Do you look forward to the times when your partner is away? Do you pamper yourself during these times and feel resentful when they return?

It is one thing recognizing the traits of unhappy relationships, but once you understand which ones are affecting yours what do you do?

It all depends on your circumstances of course. You can try and tackle the problems yourself, seek counsel if you are both willing, or you might decide that it is time for the relationship to end.

If you are still confused, here are ten traits that make a happy relationship:

  1. Mutual respect
  2. Sensitivity
  3. Attentive to your partner’s needs
  4. Responsibility for one’s own actions
  5. Open communication
  6. Mutual trust
  7. Understanding that differences of opinion are healthy
  8. Listening without judging
  9. Supporting and nurturing
  10. Shared interests and common goals

These are the traits that should be common in your relationship.

If they are missing, then it is time to evaluate what you want from your partner and if they or you are willing to change.



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This Post Has One Comment

  1. Nkululeko

    Am not married yet but we on process of it and we leave together in our home we bought together but now i fell that she’s not giving me that respectand love like other years ago. Whatever she plan to add in the house she discuss with her daughter. Maybe it’s time for me to know that she earn more than I am because things are total change.

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