Living as a nice girl means you are living a lie. You are lying to yourself and to those around you. By living this way, you lose touch with your true feelings.
Below are some signs to look out for if you think you might be a nice girl:
1. Feeling you are not good enough
“Nice girls” live by the principle that they must be nice to everyone in order for them to be accepted and loved themselves. The idea that you must be nice to everyone is impossible but you won’t recognize that as a nice girl. This comes from the idea that you as a person are not good enough and therefore you do everything possible to please people so you are good enough.
What to do? Well, first of all, you must start accepting and loving yourself. Easy to say but harder to do I hear you cry. Start by once a day looking at yourself in the mirror and saying “I love and accept myself today”.
2. The difficulty saying “no”
“Nice girls” can’t say no. When a colleague of yours asks for your help with a project they will get all the credit for, you don’t say no. Your colleague has kids and you don’t so you stay late and finish the project off for them. You don’t mind when you colleague gives you zero credit for the project because you are a nice girl.
What to do? Start small. Practice small no’s out of work, to begin with. Don’t want to babysit your, nephew…say no! Gym after work with a girlfriend…just say no! Once it starts to become a little easier, start introducing it into your work environment.
3. Not wanting to rock the boat
You are out shopping with your sister, she tries something on that makes her look fat, but you don’t tell the truth, you tell her she looks great, that’s what a nice girl does. You don’t want to hurt her feelings so you don’t tell the truth. You believe that your sister is as sensitive as a crystal glass and that any sort of criticism would destroy her. But the truth is, she can take it.
What to do? Always be kind. But start small, people will respect far more and your relationship will strengthen if you bring a bit of honesty into the mix.
4. The fear of commitment and impossible relationships
As a nice girl, you attract the wrong kind of men. But as you hopefully have come to realize, there is no perfect man just as there is no wrong man. If you look at your past relationships you will see a common theme. That down to a factor, the relationship was never going to last.
Those factors could be any of the following:
- He is married
- There is a big age difference
- He has some sort of addiction
- He is in prison
What to do? It’s hard, but you do need to recognize the pattern and walk away. As soon as you start loving yourself, this one will fix itself.
5. Looking after others before yourself
A nice girl is always around to help whenever it is needed. You always remember birthdays, you will do over time, and offer to help before anyone even asks. There is nothing wrong with this, it’s nice to be nice, but don’t neglect yourself.
What to do? Remember you are the most important person in your life, still help others but make sure you help yourself too.
6. You are always smiling even when you don’t feel like it
If you smile at the world, the world smiles back. A nice girl is always happy, even when she is not. From an early age, you have learned it’s not safe to show your feelings, you should look happy and then you will feel happy.
What to do? Be aware of your smile. Be aware that if you don’t feel like smiling, then don’t. No one will think anything of it, and you will be amazed at how great it makes you feel!
7. Taking criticism badly
As a nice girl, you can’t associate anything negative with yourself. As you try so hard to please others you don’t understand when there is any criticism against you. You need to protect your image, and so criticism upsets you.
What to do? Look at yourself honestly. Start looking at your negative traits, there is nothing wrong with them.
If you recognize any of these symptoms, take some time to process them. Start working on it slowly. Don’t take yourself too seriously and don’t be too hard on yourself.
By Holly W.