Getting back with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend can be good or a disaster. There are ways to tell if this move is a logical strategy.
I’m guilty. I started thinking about getting back with an ex, and I did so. I was married once, for a long time, and then I was divorced. After a few years of living single, I found myself getting back with an ex…my ex-husband.
Unfortunately, I am divorced twice from him now, and I know that we were not meant to be in a relationship.
Are you thinking about getting back with an ex?
Now, the funny thing is, maybe you won’t have a bad result as I did. Sometimes it’s a good thing getting back with an ex. Some people grow and mature during their time apart and end up being happier the second go around.
So, is it a smart decision? Here’s how to tell if it’s a good idea or not.
1. Can you communicate now?
You’re starting again, and things will seem new for a while. It may not be completely like the first time with its newness because let’s face it, you already know so much about one another. One of the first indicators that it could be good getting back with an ex is if you are able to communicate with one another.
Transparency is so important, especially if the trust was ever broken before. Sooner than later, you will need to discuss what went wrong the first time and recognize any solutions to make the union work much better.
If you’re communicating with your ex on a regular basis, you have the potential to make it work the second time.
2. Do you completely meet each other’s needs?
Before you make a second commitment to getting back with an ex, take an inventory. Rather, you can make a list. Write down all of your basic and important needs and compare them with what your potential partner has to offer.
If you need to be supported or anything like this, you will need to make sure that your ex is now the supportive type. Maybe you need honesty or someone with similar values and morals.
Whatever it may be, and whatever you desire, how well does your ex live up to these expectations? If he fails miserably, then maybe it’s not a good idea. If he seems to match all your needs with support, then maybe it can work.
3. Are you doing this out of loneliness?
I can tell you one reason why you should not get back with an ex. If you’re lonely then getting back with an ex is not the right decision. You should never return to an unsuccessful relationship just because you currently do not have an intimate partner.
If you are single and lonely, you should wait and get to know more about yourself instead.
When getting back with an ex, you should be well established about what you want. You should also be perfectly okay with being alone and feeling confident.
When two people get together, they should be two whole people, not two lonely and desperate halves trying to make a whole. Do you get my drift?
4. Are you holding a safety net?
Okay, in case you don’t know what this means, I can explain. A safety net is considered a “back-up” partner. Some people stay friends with other potential partners while trying to retain a relationship with the main partner.
This doesn’t necessarily mean they are being physically unfaithful, it just means they are keeping a plan B in case plan A doesn’t work out.
The bad part about this situation is that Plan B will damage the relationship with Plan A. If you are in a relationship, you should be sold out to one person. You are either in or you are out, period.
While holding onto a “friend” in case of need, you are holding back love from the one you should be giving it to. It may seem smart, but in truth, it’s ignorant, cowardly, and selfish. If you know how to get your ex back, you must give it 100% or nothing.
5. Have you seen any changes in your ex?
You have been apart, and surely you both have changed in some ways. The real question is, have they changed the things that made the relationship fail in the first place, and have you?
Before you get back together with an ex, you need to make sure that the same problems will not resurface. That’s the whole point in trying again with a person you’re familiar with.
You know what happened, so what are the chances that those things will happen again? You need to find out before you even think about getting back with an ex.
6. Are you prepared for criticism?
And finally, are you ready to hear family and friends criticize you about your decision to get back with your ex? If you can deal with the naysayers, then you are strong enough to weather these things.
Truth be told, they will all have doubts, especially if either one of you has said things you regret on the first go around. If you are prepared for what might be said, then it’s a good sign. After all, it’s between the two of you and not the rest of the world.
Not to sound judgemental or negative, but you really need to do some deep thinking before you make a decision. Remember, you only have one life and you will want to live the best one possible.
Will being with your ex-make you happier than being single? This may be the biggest indicator of all. If you think so, then go for it! No one can make this decision for you. I wish you all the best.
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This Post Has One Comment
Good advice, Sherrie.
I feel for you having to break up twice from your partner (ouch!). All said I think if my ex were to mature in the areas important to me, and in fairness, that works both ways… then it is entirely reasonable to try again.