It’s easy to feel comfortable in a relationship, especially in one with familiar routines.
You and your partner may have special places you both like going to, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
That said, have an awareness of getting too comfortable. Long-term relationships are stable but may seem mundane. With neither of you complaining, complacency may set in.
The difference between comfort and happiness is a thin line but is very real. How can you spot it? How can you tell if both of you are too complacent about your relationship?
Everyone wants stability in their relationships
Everyone craves a stable relationship. Nothing brings more joy than one that’s fulfilling. If your relationship has a proper foundation, you will not have to worry about becoming complacent. It’s probably on the right track if it has these features. All of them have the common trait of giving and entail the sacrifice of a little comfort.
You should, first of all, love each other. Love is not merely a feeling. If you have a relationship built on love, you will commit to treating your partner honorably and justly.
You would also have a willingness to serve each other. Also, you go out of your way because your partner is deserving.
Your relationship should feature open communication. Both of you should feel free to share things with each other. Honesty allows you to connect.
Second-guessing leads to disasters in relationships. You make successful connections when you share feelings.
Time is a precious commodity in this modern era. You may expect your partner to ‘get it right, and get it right at once.’
But reality bites and no one is perfect. You know your relationship is a success if you and your partner have patience with each other.
The next feature of a stable relationship is loyalty. It, of course, should withstand time. Being loyal to each other over many years will take yours to deeper levels.
6. Shared Purpose
People in healthy relationships share common goals. You may share the same faith or financial interests. Having a common purpose will hold you together.
The difference between love and comfort
At this juncture, you may feel that your relationship has all the essentials for stability. You may also wonder why feeling too comfortable isn’t ideal.
There’s a line between a happy relationship and one that’s merely satisfactory. The key lies in identifying that difference.
1. Fulfillment versus Indifference
First of all, you will have a sense of contentment if you honestly feel happy with your relationship. You will have no problem wanting to satisfy each other’s wants.
If you only feel comfortable, you will react with indifference if someone asks if you are happy.
2. Nonchalance versus Excitement
If you are satisfied with your relationship, you will find little moments exciting. Attending picnics and social gatherings will not seem like going through the motions.
3. Ambivalence versus Surety
Also, a happy relationship has the element of certainty. You will know for sure that your partner is the person you want to come home to after a long day at work. If you want your partner’s presence simply because be or she fills the loneliness gap, you may have a ‘comfort’ and not a ‘love’ relationship.
4. Stagnant versus Growing
If you are in a happy relationship, both of you want to work together to improve your lives. Change is life’s only constant. Relationships need to evolve to have any meaning. You will look forward to the future, planning for a new home, your marriage, and your children.
Whereas if you are too comfortable in your relationship, you would feel satisfied the way things are and not want to make plans with each other.
5. Effort versus Worthwhile
Lastly, if you are in a happy relationship, any effort that you put into it will seem worthwhile. You will feel delighted showering each other with gifts and words of love.
Conversely, if both you just feel comfortable, you will assume that the relationship does not need any effort to work.
Other ways to know when the comfort has gotten too much
Feeling satisfied with your relationship isn’t bad. In fact, it gives you a sense of assurance. However, as the saying goes, too much of a good thing is negative. What are the other ways to know when you only feel comfortable?
First of all, you would miss your quiet moments. You may feel resentful because you have to attend this or that function, and hardly have any time to yourself.
And then, you may not have manners anymore. Both of you may have gotten so used to being with each other that you trade insults liberally. Neither of you worries about festering resentment, which is a negative.
Housework may become assumed and not split. Both parties will take it for granted that it will get done.
Are you tired of your partner’s jokes? If you’ve heard them all and are dying to tell him or her that they are old, it’s a sign that you’re too deep in the comfort zone.
Finally, you will forget to compliment each other. Both of you will assume that the other party feels appreciated for the little things they do each day. When compliments do come, both of you may suspect ulterior motives.
In all, if you feel comfortable without love, it will not make a difference to you which way your relationship goes. Conversely, both of you will put in the effort to grow it if there is love.
By Michelle L.