How can you learn the best relationship advice? Of course, from happy couples!
We all know those couples who have been together for what seems like forever, which just seem to get stronger over time.
We may even wonder how they do it – How do they last through the troubles of life and the little bickering that goes on? As often as we keep coming back to it, we can’t exactly spend a full day doing it until we find an answer.
Reddit’s Nate Bagley did. Not just for a day, though. He quit his job and toured the country to interview couples and find out relationship advice for a long and happy life together. From newlyweds to those celebrating their diamond anniversary, he looked at what is needed to make a happy couple.
Apparently, one of the most surprising things he found was the importance of self-love.
You need to love yourself. Emotionally healthy – on your own. Treat yourself with the same care you would treat your partner. This means you know how and when to forgive, to just let it go. Also, when you’re in the doghouse, own up to what you’ve done. Be self-aware enough to pull your weight.
You better believe that commitment comes into this! You need to know that your partner has your back, in everything. There’ll be hard times. Then harder times, and depressing times. You and your partner need to know that even in the darkest of moments, you won’t get up and run. You hold each other up and you’re just better together.
This is a little like the last point, but trust is for everything. When I think of my other half, I want them to know that they can tell me anything, that nothing they have to say will make me hate, reject, or judge them. But here’s the thing, you can’t just say it. Walk the walk, come through on promises and plans.
If that’s your thing. Let each other know what you want from the relationship and that you have the same goals so you can achieve them together. If their goal is to have a certain career, then cheer for them. Push them through even if they don’t feel like it. There’s a big difference between making a show of being together, instead of actually doing the things together.
The best piece of relationship advice came from a woman in Georgia. After 60 years of marriage, her piece of wisdom:
Don’t be afraid to be the one who loved the most.
You’re in this together. There are no ‘vs.’ in a successful relationship. It’s not a case of who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s a case of, “What is best for us?” ‘Winning’ an argument just ends up making one or both of you feel ignored and bitter.
This applies to everyone, not just those ‘winners’ above – See it from their side. Why are they fighting so hard about this? No judgment, no interruptions. Think of a resolution, then hug it out. Let them know they’re listened to, that you want to stay with them. If you’re still butting heads then there may be a deeper issue – Just listen until they’re comfortable enough to tell you. Wait till the end to ask questions.
Don’t start arguments over little things. No jabs. No hurtful names. Kind. Respectful. Civil.
And his favorite quote may sum it all up?
At the end of Ty’s life, I want him to be able to say, ‘Terri was the greatest earthly blessing in my life – the best thing that ever happened to me – and that I’m a better man because of how she loved me.’ And that’s the goal that I live with every day. That’s how I want to love this man.
H/T: Business Insider