Commitment phobia could be to blame if you struggle to form healthy long-term relationships. Check the signs below to know for sure.
Forming meaningful relationships comes naturally to most people, but for some it is difficult.
There can be many reasons why some of us find relationships hard to maintain, but if the problem is actually staying in the relationship itself, this is a sign of commitment phobia.
Those who have a commitment phobia feel real anxiety about remaining in a long-term relationship.
They are capable of feeling love but their overriding fear prevents them from staying in a relationship as it progresses.
There are many signs that someone has a commitment phobia, here are the ones to look out for:
1. You don’t want to meet your partner’s family.
Introducing your partner to your family members, particularly your mum and dad, is a big step in any relationship. It means you are serious and committed to them and you want your parents to see that, and give their approval.
So it stands to reason that if you don’t want them to meet your partner you are saying to yourself and others that you are not ready to commit to anything long-term.
2. You won’t introduce your partner to your friends.
Men that are proud of their partner want their friends to meet her so they can show her off to them. It’s the same with women, as soon as they get a great guy one of the first things they’ll do is introduce him to her mates.
If you’ve been dating for a long time and not introduced your partner to your friends you either have embarrassing friends or a commitment phobia.
3. You don’t use the word boyfriend or girlfriend to describe your partner.
It is quite indicative of how you perceive your partner by the way you describe them. If you never call your partner your boyfriend or girlfriend, you obviously don’t view them in that way, or you are too worried about the potential signals you are giving off if you were to call them that.
4. You always leave straight after sex.
What most people love about making love is the warmth and feelings they experience after the act. If you are a get-up and go type that are out the front door as soon as it’s over then you definitely have a problem with commitment.
Also, if you do stay but are easily irritated afterward this is another indication of a commitment phobia.
5. You cancel plans at the last minute but blame your partner.
Someone that doesn’t really want to commit to being in a relationship will often cancel plans at the very last minute but blame their partner. They will say that it is your fault for arranging something on one of their busiest days, even though they agreed at the time.
This is because doing something you like or have planned feels too much like entrapment to them. They also will never commit to plans in the future.
6. You have a lot of ex-partners.
If you have a lot of exes and the majority of your relationships have only lasted a few months then commitment is probably a problem for you. Meeting so many people and actually getting into a relationship with them, it is perfectly feasible that a few were Mr or Mrs Right, but you were just too scared to continue.
Typical commitment-phobes will have either a lot of very short relationships and then move onto the next person, or they will have longer relationships but with no serious commitment.
7. You are never there for your partner.
In relationships, one person helps the other and vice versa, however, the commitment-phobe will absolutely not want to get involved in your everyday problems.
If you need help with the car, you are sick or some other thing has gone wrong, you can bet your commitment-phobe will not be available to help unless it is sex, then they will be over like a flash.
These are the most typical signs of a commitment phobia, but what makes a person afraid to be in a loving, serious and long-term relationship?
What are the causes of a commitment phobia?
1. You’re afraid of being loved – Some people are afraid of actually being loved because they suffer from low self-esteem. They feel they are not worthy of another person’s love and commitment and cannot understand who someone could love them.
2. You don’t want the relationship to change – It is possible that others are afraid that the relationship will change once they have made a commitment. This is true of couples that have been together for a long time and one wants to get married and the other is reluctant because they don’t want things to change.
3. You’re afraid the relationship will end – Some people are so afraid of the relationship ending that they end it themselves so they don’t have to deal with the pain and upset of being dumped. For these people, the deeper they fall in love the more potential there is for hurt down the line.
4. You’re afraid there is someone better than you out there – For some people the thought that their partner might find someone better than them is overwhelming and they instinctively end the relationship before this can happen.
If you think you might have a commitment phobia then you can change how you feel about relationships. Most commitment problems stem from self-esteem issues which you can get help with.
Remember, having a meaningful relationship with someone is what life is all about and you shouldn’t have to miss out on one.
By Janey D.
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