Maybe there’s a reason why you’re not finding Mr. Right. Maybe it’s the white knight syndrome which causes you to pick the wrong partner.

As I think back on my early adulthood, I remember many times when I rescued partners in relationships. I gave them money, in which they wasted, I gave them 100% of my energy, even though I think they probably only gave me less than half of that, and I just couldn’t stop coming to the rescue. This didn’t happen in one relationship, but many. I think I was plagued by the white knight syndrome for decades.

An explanation of the white knight syndrome

A white knight, in this context, is a person who thinks their love can change the bad behavior of their romantic partners. They are convinced that with the proper care and determination, they can change the other person and create a  healthy relationship.

Unfortunately, the only person who can bring about change within themselves is themselves, so basically, it’s a waste of time.  So, why do we do this at all then?

Why you might be attracting the wrong ones

It could be that you’re attracting the wrong people because you have this sort of white knight mentality in the first place. I’ve seen people who act this way, and yes I was like that too, as I mentioned earlier. I can tell you from personal experience, that I wanted to fix people.

I will let you in on a little secret, people will notice certain things about you make them assume you are willing to endure their abusive behavior. They will see how you are constantly reaching out to others, having long talks with people, and being overly kind.

You are attracting the wrong people because you think you can turn these people into something they’re not, or at least something they are not willing to become at the moment. They can see you coming a mile away.

You see, people change when they want to. No matter how much you try to help someone heal, they cannot do that until they are ready and able. However, these people will always be attracted to the white knight because they know you will never give up trying to save them. In the process, they drain positive energy from you, as you take on the negative vibes.

It’s as simple as that, you attract the wrong people by refusing to let them help themselves….You are the white knight from the fairytales, but your princess is not quite a damsel in distress, she’s more like a disturbed individual with the propensity to damage your life as she damages her own.

Can white knights be females?

The white knight syndrome doesn’t just pertain to males. No, there are many females who give up their entire lives just to fix their boyfriends or husbands. It was that dormant characteristic that attracted them to you in the first place. A woman’s kindness is just irresistible, especially to someone who feeds off this character trait.

It was your overly-friendly attitude, your willingness to help others, and your desire to get to know them. I have seen women being brushed off by men, only so they could try over and over until they’d won their prize. You better believe this let these men know that they could struggle with their issues in the security of their female white knight. If she chased him that hard, then obviously, she wouldn’t leave or give up that easily.

A few characteristics of the white knight and what gets their attention

There are a few traits that most every white knight exhibits. Most of them have poor self-esteem, a short history of intimate partners, and often have this strange code of chivalry. They are usually attracted to alcoholics, drug addicts, those with past trauma, or emotional illnesses. They often take responsibility for helping those with mental illnesses, to no avail.



Another reason why their good intentions don’t work is that they are also dealing with their own emotional and personality disorders. Why, they must be, if they feel the need to rescue another adult human being. No one can rescue you, but yourself.

Let me put the white knight syndrome in simple terms

It’s okay to help people. It’s actually a wonderful trait of a human being to lend a helping hand every now and then. But when you start to attract severely damaged cases, and then start to fall in love with them too, you should ask yourself an important question. “Do I love this person, or do I feel the need to save them from themselves?”

If you can love someone without feeling the need to always save them from their problems, then you truly love them. But if love depends on completely overhauling another human being, you’re definitely playing the white knight. Generally, this doesn’t end well.

So basically, the reason you’re attracting the wrong type of person is you’re actually sending out those white knight vibes. It’s the way you carry yourself, the way you’re always coming to the rescue, and your poor image of self. People see these things, and they know that you will help them as well.

They will bring on the charm, and it won’t take much to have you trying to save them too. The best way to lose the white knight syndrome is to love someone who is just as well established physically, mentally, and emotionally as you are. Being equally yoked is underrated these days.

So, if you’re playing the white knight, let him go, and put him back in the fairytales where he belongs.



References:

  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/
  2. https://thoughtcatalog.com/

Copyright © 2014-2019 Life Advancer. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.