It’s hard to say objectively that modern dating is worse than dating in the past, however, it’s entirely legitimate to say that modern dating is more complicated.
I came across a statement in an article I read recently and it really hit home; “The person who cares less has all the power”. This sentence describes something I see in many of my friend’s relationships as well as my own.
In the good old days of traditional dating, one person often courted another with romantic gestures for some time before he or she got anywhere. Once he or she “got somewhere”, it was most likely an exclusive affair. Sure people have been unfaithful throughout history, however, you didn’t have to worry about whether the person you’ve been on five dates with was still active on Tinder or not. In today’s dating scene, filled with all sorts of inorganic dating apps, people don’t really care, or at least they try their best not to.
Sometimes this lack of caring naturally occurs because one member of the party just doesn’t feel she or he has to.
In this game of modern dating, attention spans are growing increasingly shorter and it’s not very hard to switch it up. We get bored easily and when we crave something new and exciting all we have to do is hop on our phone or hit the bar. You don’t have to work very hard for anything, there’s always someone available, so if you don’t feel someone is your soulmate…why should you care? Why care, can also become why to remain respectful, all too quickly.
When people sit down for their first date it seems as if they look at the person across from them with an expiration date already in mind. Rather than having the intention of truly getting to know someone through a lasting relationship, many people prefer to have fun for a few weeks and move on.
Then you have the contrary; when someone has been through this all before.
Last time he or she cared more and it hurt their pride when the relationship ended at his or her expense. Well, not this time! People who naturally care more are forced to play the game and care even less if they want to be happy, at least that’s how it feels. Sometimes when you care less, the other person will become more intrigued and try harder to win your affection. And if not, it’s okay, you never cared much in the first place anyway.
If you don’t put your heart and your high hopes out there to start with, you won’t be horribly disappointed when passion fades, after the infamous three weeks of interest. What’s especially sad about this scenario is sometimes two people meet each other, both of whom want to care less. Each person acts aloof, sending their dates untrue vibes indicating that this relationship isn’t a very big deal when possibly it is.
These relationships fall into a switch-off of who can be the most nonchalant. I only took a day to respond to your text because you didn’t even spend the night last time – Well I didn’t spend the night because you seemed more interested in talking to your friends than me – Well I just wanted to play hard to get.
Of course, most people won’t admit these thoughts to each other, but that’s what it might sound like if they did.
Modern dating is so hard because it’s risky. Until you put your heart on the line and decide to care AND meet someone else who has decided to do the same, you won’t find anything real.
By Lauren G.