To cheat once is commonly seen as a mistake. But chronic cheaters never really stop cheating. But you can spot them if you try.

I’ve been on both sides of this coin. I’ve cheated and I have been cheated on by others. If I were to go back in time, it would be difficult to sort all the situations. But I do know one thing, I didn’t start the ball rolling. I started with faithfulness, and after being married to a chronic cheater, I cheated for the first time.

Is there ever a good reason to cheat?

There’s never a good reason to break vows or hurt your partner in a commitment. I don’t blame anyone for my infidelity because it was my decision to cheat. People use excuses for their behavior all the time.

They say things like, “If my needs were being met, I wouldn’t have cheated”, or in my case, “He did it first, and I was angry.” But you see, it was nobody’s fault but my own for my infidelity. I made the choice, I pulled the trigger, and I destroyed the vows right there along with him.

It doesn’t really matter who does it first. So, get that part straight before you continue reading. And another thing: although I did cheat, I was never a chronic cheater, but I lived for 20 years with one, so I know how to spot them pretty well.

How you can spot them?

1. Electronic betrayal

One of the largest red flags you need to look out for is the screen face down, silent mode, passcode cellphone activity. You know what I mean.

I hear people giving excuses for why they silence their phones or why they put them facedown, but I’m not buying it. In fact, I’ve proven it to be a true tactic to hide evidence. If you put your phone face down, your partner might miss that secret incoming call or text. If you lock the phone, your partner cannot see the information.

I’m not saying that invasion of privacy is the only way, to be honest, and loyal, but I am saying, if your partner is doing all these things paired with feeling nervous around their electronics, there’s something they rather you not see. It could be porn, or it could be a real person they’re talking to. So, pay attention.

2. Little lies/big lies

Most of the time, if they tell little lies, they will tell the big ones too. This isn’t always the case, however, but it is a common trait of chronic cheaters. If you notice them telling blatant lies, and you confront them about it, a guilty person will get angry, and I mean thrown into a rage.

Yes, some people just have tempers and get tired of questions about their loyalty, but if you keep hearing little lies, you might need to check in on some larger situations. Maybe when they say they have to work late, drive up and see if they are indeed at work. If they’re not, then you may have a big problem. Test the little lies and see how they use them.

3. Cheaters are easily bored

A chronic cheater will not be able to live a simple life. It’s just not exciting enough for them. One woman, as hard as she tries, will not be able to satisfy the huge appetite of a man who’s always restless.

He will want to do risky things, stay out most days of the week, and even constantly talk about newer endeavors and how you can do this or that or the others… almost every single day – there are always new plans. It gets exhausting, and it indicates something deeper. Not all bored people are cheaters, but all chronic cheaters are bored, almost all the time.



4. They’re charming

You can sometimes spot a serial cheater by the way they interact with others outside the family. When you are alone with them, they can be moody – happy, angry, or sad. Around others in the household, they may put on a small amount of charm. Then outside the home, among the public, they will lay on the charm in thick layers.

They will try to convince others of the type of person they are. Many times, their ”victims” are overwhelmed by how amazing they are. I remember a relationship where my mate seemed too good to be true, and he was. It was a mask. Chronic cheaters wear masks, and they wear them well.

When you rip them off, they sometimes grow to hate you. The truth is, ripping off that mask could possibly help them learn to become a better person.

5. Gifts, gifts, and more gifts

First off, let me say that some people just like giving gifts to their lovers and husbands. But if a woman is constantly buying things for her husband, especially expensive things, she could be covering for the fact that she’s been unfaithful. The gift could be her way of saying sorry for something she will never admit.

If you received gifts from the beginning and notice that your wife also gave lost of gifts to others, this could just be the way she is, but pay attention to when the gifts come and if they align with her suspicious behavior.

6. They are selfie crazed

Yes, teenagers take thousands of selfies, and that’s not always abnormal for their age group. But if you’re a grown woman, taking hundreds or thousands of selfies, posting a few every day on social media, then you up to more than just being confident. You’re actually suffering from low self-esteem.



When I was cheating, I posted selfies almost every day. And that’s because I was trying to get attention from other men. Even after I started cheating, I wanted to keep the attention of the man I was cheating with, which meant even more selfies.

Now, that I am completely committed to my relationship, I rarely post selfies. It’s just something I don’t desire to do. It’s weird how that works. This could be a red flag for a chronic cheater considering my history.

7. They rationalize their behavior

When someone cheats as their second nature, they will rationalize everything they do, not just the cheating. If they’re caught cheating, they will blame you, their childhood, their circumstances, or any life raft they can grab hold of to save them.

The last thing they want to do is admit what’s going on and accept the consequences. Pay attention to someone who never takes responsibility for their actions.

Is there any hope for chronic cheaters?

Honestly, I don’t’ know if someone who has cheated a multitude of times and grown up in certain environments can change their basic mentality. I want to be positive about it because some of the dearest people to me hurt me badly by being unfaithful over and over again.

I believe everyone has the capacity to be a good person, however, if their actions are dragging you down, making you physically and mentally unhealthy, you have no choice but to make changes in your life.

You can try therapy, you can try to break through the mask, and you can ask for help from friends and family, but ultimately, they will have to see the truth and want to change for themselves and for the ones they love. So, these are the facts, and I hope you can do what’s best for you.

Good luck.

References:

  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/
  2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/
Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

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