{"id":929,"date":"2014-06-22T15:35:33","date_gmt":"2014-06-22T12:35:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/?p=929"},"modified":"2014-06-22T15:35:33","modified_gmt":"2014-06-22T12:35:33","slug":"psychology-finally-reveals-the-answer-to-finding-your-soulmate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/psychology-finally-reveals-the-answer-to-finding-your-soulmate\/","title":{"rendered":"Psychology Finally Reveals the Answer to Finding Your Soulmate"},"content":{"rendered":"
That one person when we meet, you feel an uncontrollable desire and an illogical sense of familiarity with.<\/p>\n
As if you\u2019ve known that person for a lifetime, or perhaps lifetimes. Whatever you want to call it, films and TV series alike have romanticized the phenomenon known as the soulmate. But what do we really know about the perfect mate or the ideal partner<\/strong>?<\/p>\n Psychology is finally shedding light on the mystery that encapsulates so many hearts and minds around the world in an effort to understand what truly makes two people compatible for a relationship.<\/p>\n Dating sites like OkCupid.com<\/em> or chemistry.com<\/em> boast about their in-depth personality tests and about how finding someone with similar answers to the questions you answer on the test, can result in your soulmate, the perfect mate.<\/p>\n Now, this sounds very appealing for many different reasons. First, naturally, you want to be with someone who shares the same values as you and perhaps even someone who enjoys similar activities like rock climbing<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Secondly, it only seems logical to search for another person that also wants to raise children and begin a family someday. Lastly, we have such a yearning for love as social creatures, that we will convince ourselves of just about anything in order to fill the empty spots in our hearts.<\/p>\n All of these reasons\u00a0create quite the compelling case for compatibility sites \u2014but how well and how long do the relationships that have similar interests and quirks truly last?<\/p>\n Dr. Ted Hudson <\/strong>of the University of Texas\u00a0ran a longitudinal study of couples that had been married for years and in his research<\/a>, he found out something quite surprising.<\/p>\n \u201cMy research shows that there is no difference in the objective compatibility between those couples who are unhappy and those who are happy<\/em>\u201d.<\/p>\n Dr. Ted Hudson <\/strong>went on to say that couples that are feeling content and warmth in their relationships said that compatibility wasn\u2019t an issue for them. In fact, they were perfectly ok saying that it was them who made the relationship work not their personality compatibility.<\/p>\n But when the unhappy couples were asked what they thought about compatibility, they all answered by saying that compatibility is extremely important to a marriage<\/strong>. And sadly, that they didn\u2019t think they were compatible with their significant other. Which Dr. Ted Hudson <\/strong>explained that when the unhappy couples said,<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re incompatible<\/em>\u201d they were truly meaning, \u201cWe don\u2019t get along very well<\/em>\u201d.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n That\u2019s where the issue arises with compatibility, everyone who is unhappy naturally blames it on the facade of compatibility. They fail to realize and comprehend that a successful relationship does not hinge its posterity on how alike you are \u2014 instead it hangs on by the sheer will power and want to stay in a relationship<\/strong>.<\/p>\n So we know that building a relationship<\/a> with another person is dependent on you and the other person. It has more or less nothing to do with compatibility. But if you can’t depend on compatibility<\/strong> exams or some standard form of testing to find your ideal mate<\/strong>, then how do we do it?<\/p>\n John Gottman, <\/strong>the founder, and director of the Relationship Research Institute<\/a> in Seattle said that measures of personality are incapable of truly predicting the length or success of a relationship. John Gottman\u2019s Relationship Research Institute <\/strong>discovered that couples who focus their energy on building something meaningful together in their life, tend to last the longest.<\/p>\n How a couple interacts is the single most fundamental aspect of creating a successful relationship. Meaning, it\u2019s not who you are or what you do that will prolong or help you find the perfect mate.<\/p>\n John Gottman <\/strong>went on to say\u00a0if your relationship or interest supports your life dreams. Your ideal partner<\/a> will look up to you, admire you and view you through rose-colored lenses. Now, this sounds ideal, but when you truly reflect on how you\u2019ve always wanted to be treated \u2014having someone who genuinely believes in your greatness, is paramount.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t think it\u2019s all just how we view one another, however, a lot of the connection you feel with another person is emotional. Therefore you must be capable of responding to each other when you need something.<\/p>\n \u201cDoes your partner turn toward you with equal enthusiasm? You need to ask questions and constantly update your knowledge of one another.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\nThe Issue With Compatibility<\/h3>\n
Dr. Ted Hudson\u2019s explains,<\/h5>\n
Finding Your Soulmate To Spend A Lifetime With<\/h3>\n
It\u2019s how you speak to each other, how well you get along, how much dreams you can envision with your soulmate.<\/h5>\n
Or as John Gottman said,<\/h5>\n
Final Thoughts On The Soulmate<\/h3>\n