{"id":51300,"date":"2020-04-13T00:11:23","date_gmt":"2020-04-12T21:11:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/?p=51300"},"modified":"2020-09-01T14:26:56","modified_gmt":"2020-09-01T14:26:56","slug":"emotionally-unavailable-mother-traits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/emotionally-unavailable-mother-traits\/","title":{"rendered":"The Emotionally Unavailable Mother and Her 4 Controversial Traits"},"content":{"rendered":"
Your mother is the most important person in the world. She is the first to show you what love is. Your relationship with her defines many aspects of your personality and the way you handle your own relationships as an adult. But what if you were raised by an emotionally unavailable mother<\/strong>?<\/p>\n My mother may seem cold and distant at first, but on the inside, she is a caring, kind, and sensitive person<\/a>. But even despite so, her inability to show her affection and handle her emotions has had long-lasting effects on my personality.<\/p>\n Today, we will talk about the vicious cycle of emotionally distant mothers<\/strong> and how their personality traits affect their children for a lifetime. However, I would like to emphasize that I don\u2019t have the intention to talk about toxic mothers.<\/p>\n The toxic version of an emotionally unavailable mother<\/em> is a woman who basically doesn\u2019t care about her children. But today, we will focus on mothers who just struggle to show their emotions and talk about their feelings<\/strong>. So their emotional unavailability doesn’t mean that they are cold-hearted and careless individuals.<\/p>\n My mother was always extremely guarded when it came to showing her emotions, especially positive ones like love and affection<\/a>. She rarely touched me and thus I learned to keep a distance from other people.<\/p>\n Hugs, kisses and this kind of stuff was never a thing in our family. And this emotional coldness was also present between her and my father. I\u2019m not even sure whether I ever saw any sign of tenderness between them.<\/p>\n At the same time, I was raised by an overprotective mother<\/a>. Two opposite behaviors from the same person. Controversial, isn\u2019t it? This is another piece of evidence that seemingly cold people can often be deeply affectionate and caring<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Your mother is the first person to show you the warmth of love and trust. When she expresses these feelings neither for you nor for other family members, you learn to do the same thing. You form the belief that showing your emotions is a bad thing<\/em> that makes you weak and vulnerable.<\/p>\n As a result, you will probably struggle to tell you dear ones that you care about them. The phrase \u2018I love you<\/em><\/a>\u2019 will be the most difficult thing to utter. You will also do everything to hide your emotions from others,<\/strong> which you believe make you look weak. For example, if you want to cry, you will do it alone and will hate the idea of someone watching you this way.<\/p>\n Whether I achieved something great or did something bad, my mother barely gave me any feedback. When I shared my views or plans with her, she just carefully listened to me and said nothing.<\/p>\n Later on, I understood that she didn\u2019t approve many of the things I had been doing or saying but never showed it. And I also learned that she was always proud of me which I had no idea about when growing up.<\/p>\n The truth is that my mother was, in turn, raised by an emotionally unavailable woman<\/strong>\u00a0who, besides that, was also controlling<\/a>\u00a0and overly critical<\/a>. So it seems that she didn\u2019t want to repeat her mother\u2019s mistakes and preferred to say nothing rather than criticize me.<\/p>\n When you don\u2019t receive any feedback for your actions, it creates uncertainty and confusion<\/strong>. You grow up not knowing how capable or intelligent you actually are. Whether you are a good person or not. This is a recipe for a lack of self-confidence and often leads to imposter syndrome<\/a> where you doubt yourself and underestimate your abilities.<\/p>\n An emotionally guarded person struggles with showing their affection in the first place but also with talking about feelings in general. For this reason, you will never know how your emotionally unavailable mother really feels<\/em> at any given time.<\/p>\n You will have no idea what she is going through and believe me, she will suffer a lot. Even if she doesn\u2019t show it, she is a sensitive person who gets hurt too. Your mother will experience frustration, anger, and resentment like anyone else but will have to deal with it on her own<\/em>. Needless to say that this creates all kinds of emotional blockages and suppressed feelings.<\/p>\n As a child of an emotionally unavailable mother, you will probably have this personality trait too. You will find it extremely difficult to talk about your feelings<\/strong> \u2013 whether positive or negative. This doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that you don\u2019t know how you feel. You may know it very well but just feel extremely uncomfortable sharing it with another person.<\/p>\n When conflict arises, your mother will never face it. She will become even colder and more reserved than usual and will simply ignore you. On the inside though, she may feel deeply hurt, but you will never know that.<\/p>\n The silent treatment<\/a> can be an extremely damaging and manipulative tactic, but it doesn\u2019t always come from toxic people<\/strong>. Oftentimes, it is used by people who don\u2019t have a good touch with their emotions and have trouble talking about their feelings.<\/p>\n Eventually, you will learn to deal with conflict in the same way. Instead of facing it and handling it in a healthy manner, you will most likely just avoid it<\/a>.<\/p>\n You may then give the silent treatment to your loved ones<\/strong> too. You will never make the first step to resolving the conflict and will struggle to apologize. Just like \u2018I love you<\/em>\u2019, the phrase \u2018I\u2019m sorry<\/em>\u2019 will be one of the most impossible ones.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As you have seen from the above, this article doesn\u2019t describe a toxic mother. So you might wonder what the differences are. They are many, but they all come down to one basic ugly truth \u2013 a toxic mother genuinely doesn\u2019t care about her child<\/strong>.<\/p>\n She may have a personality disorder or just be hard-hearted. She may hate her kids<\/a> for some reason, for example, she didn\u2019t want to have them in the first place or was abused by their father. There are many possible reasons why a mother may become toxic and emotionally unavailable<\/strong>.<\/p>\n So what are the differences between being a toxic mother<\/a> and being an emotionally guarded mother?<\/p>\n Let me use the example of a narcissistic mother. There are a few different roles in a dysfunctional narcissistic family<\/a>. One child may be loved, praised, and admired while another one may be neglected, blamed, and abused.<\/p>\n So, of course, these two children will have a totally different idea of their mother<\/strong>. Thus, a toxic mother will be emotionally unavailable only to the child who plays the role of the family scapegoat.<\/p>\n A woman who only struggles with expressing her emotions will never do that. She won\u2019t show preference and will be equally unemotional and unaffectionate with everyone, whether it is her child, sibling, or husband.<\/p>\n A toxic emotionally unavailable mother will ignore your wishes and will impose her expectations on you. She won\u2019t be there for you if you get in trouble. Most probably, she will just blame you for everything<\/strong> and won\u2019t show the slightest understanding. She may be dismissive about your feelings<\/strong> too and won\u2019t mind making unkind remarks and mocking you.<\/p>\n On the contrary, a normal mother will be genuinely concerned<\/strong>. No matter how much affection she shows, she will listen to you and will be there for you if you need her help. Actions speak louder than words, remember? Watch your mother\u2019s actions and you will understand if she cares about you.<\/p>\n4 Controversial Traits of an Emotionally Unavailable Mother and How They Affect Her Child<\/h2>\n
1. She cares about you but doesn\u2019t show her affection<\/h3>\n
2. She doesn\u2019t praise or criticize you but is truly proud of you<\/h3>\n
3. She doesn\u2019t talk about her feelings but is deeply sensitive<\/h3>\n
4. She gives you the silent treatment but is profoundly affected by every conflict<\/h3>\n
What Is the Difference Between a Toxic Mother and an Emotionally Distant Mother?<\/h2>\n
1. A toxic mother can be selectively unavailable<\/h3>\n
2. A toxic mother\u2019s actions will reveal her indifference<\/h3>\n
3. A toxic mother uses and manipulates her children<\/h3>\n