{"id":37637,"date":"2018-09-27T18:49:03","date_gmt":"2018-09-27T15:49:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/?p=37637"},"modified":"2020-08-18T10:46:23","modified_gmt":"2020-08-18T10:46:23","slug":"insecure-attachment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/insecure-attachment\/","title":{"rendered":"11 Signs You Have Insecure Attachment &#038; How It Ruins Your Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>An individual who has insecure attachment is likely to have various problems in their romantic relationships. How to recognize if you have an <strong>insecure attachment style<\/strong> and stop it from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/attachment-issues\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">ruining your relationships<\/a>?<\/p>\n<p>We are all genetically programmed to search for affection and care, and the people who offer us love become the most important part of our lives. In this way, a strong emotional bond, based on the instinct, called <strong>attachment,<\/strong> forms between two individuals.<\/p>\n<p>The need to be close to someone is so important to us that the brain develops a whole biological mechanism responsible for creating and regulating the connection to the individuals with whom we form the attachment.<\/p>\n<p>This mechanism includes <strong>emotions and behaviors<\/strong> that ensure that we remain protected and safe. Although we all have this fundamental need to develop attachment, the experiences since childhood and throughout life will define our <strong>attachment style<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<h2>Types of Attachment<\/h2>\n<p>John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, the founders of <strong>the attachment theory<\/strong>, identified <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/attachment-styles-govern-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">four attachment styles<\/a>:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Secure<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>Dismissive-Avoidant<\/strong> (<em>or Anxious-Avoidant<\/em>)<\/li>\n<li><strong>Anxious-Preoccupied<\/strong> (<em>or Anxious-Resistant<\/em>)<\/li>\n<li><strong>Fearful-Avoidant<\/strong> (<em>or Disorganized\/Insecure<\/em>)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>The Fearful Avoidant (<em>or Insecure<\/em>) Attachment Style<\/h2>\n<p>An individual who \u201csuffers\u201d from insecure attachment is likely to have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/signs-low-self-esteem\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">low self-esteem<\/a>. As a result, they will always feel that it is necessary to check\/ensure that everything is in order (<em>at work, with friends, in relationships, etc.<\/em>) and will <strong>seek external validation from others<\/strong> for whatever they do.<\/p>\n<p>For this very reason, they are constantly stressed by any challenge that their friendships\/relationships may encounter even if sometimes situations are not as bad as they look. Because of the predisposition to sensitivity, such persons in very few cases stand alone without being involved in a romantic relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Additionally, they rush relationships and have no patience to create functional\/healthy connections, thus most of the time they enter in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/emotionally-abusive-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">relationships that prove to be abusive<\/a> and traumatic.<\/p>\n<p>These people have seen from the outside look very <strong>agitated and impulsive<\/strong>, <strong>worried and very difficult to deal with<\/strong>. They cannot trust people, which may explain why they hardly socialize.<\/p>\n<h4>Additional characteristics of an individual with insecure attachment include:<\/h4>\n<ul>\n<li>Highly critical of those around.<\/li>\n<li>Mind-games in order to draw the attention of the partner.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/fear-of-commitment-being-happy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Afraid of commitment<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>The idealization of other relationships.<\/li>\n<li>Organizational difficulties.<\/li>\n<li>\u201c<em>Come here-Go away<\/em>\u201d attitude in the relationship.<\/li>\n<li>Personal desires are more important than the partner\u2019s wishes.<\/li>\n<li>Poor <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/communication-skills\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">communication skills<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Avoid displaying emotions.<\/li>\n<li>Passive roles in relationships.<\/li>\n<li>Internalization of issues.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>What Causes Someone to Develop an Insecure Attachment Style?<\/h2>\n<p>Psychologists claim that the<strong> attachment styles are highly influenced by the parents,<\/strong> more precisely the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/signs-controlling-mother\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">mother<\/a>. The mother-child bond will set the foundation for the child\u2019s future emotional mechanisms <em>(i.e. emotions, behaviors, stability, empathic skills, etc.<\/em>)<\/p>\n<p>As such, an individual whose relationships are defined by an<em> insecure attachment<\/em> might have had a precarious <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/mother-daughter-relationship-mistakes\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">affective connection with his\/her mother<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>In most cases, <strong>the mother was unable to satisfy the child&#8217;s needs<\/strong> or has been physical, mentally or emotionally the child. Thus, the child&#8217;s instinct tells him\/her to flee but has no option &#8211; s\/he has no place to run because his\/her survival depends on the person who abused and hurt him\/her. In this case, children often try to block traumatic experiences.<\/p>\n<p>An additional factor is the unpredictability of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/smart-parenting-hacks\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">parental behavior<\/a>, so the child cannot understand when his\/her needs will be satisfied or when s\/he is going to be ignored again.<\/p>\n<p>Adults who have been deprived of affection, <em>develop an insecure attachment<\/em> and are more likely to experience <strong>difficulty in emotional self-regulation<\/strong>, find it hard to seek help, tend to <strong>give up on themselves during stressful situations<\/strong> or <strong>react unpredictably<\/strong>. They also face difficulties in dealing with others.<\/p>\n<p>It is hard for them to offer love and affection, and they are irresponsible and insensitive to the wishes and needs of their partner. They <strong>may have violent episodes of anger<\/strong>, abuse and neglect are often encountered.<\/p>\n<p>It is difficult for them to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/trust-issues-in-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">trust others<\/a> because of their childhood events that have made them see the world as a threatening place. Despite a great need for safety, it is difficult for them to establish stable relationships precisely because of this lack of trust and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/recognize-controlling-behavior\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">abusive behaviors<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2>How Does Insecure Attachment Affect Relationships?<\/h2>\n<h3><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-37867\" style=\"font-size: 16px;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/How-Does-Insecure-Attachment-Affect-Relationships.jpg\" alt=\"How Does Insecure Attachment Affect Relationships\" width=\"850\" height=\"566\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/How-Does-Insecure-Attachment-Affect-Relationships.jpg 850w, https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/How-Does-Insecure-Attachment-Affect-Relationships-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/How-Does-Insecure-Attachment-Affect-Relationships-768x511.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 850px) 100vw, 850px\" \/><\/h3>\n<p>Unlike individuals with a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/secure-attachment\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">secure attachment<\/a> developed in childhood, <strong>people with insecure attachment<\/strong> tend to be desperate to see. Instead of developing real love or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/trust-in-a-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">trust in their partner<\/a>, they often feel &#8220;<em>emotional hunger<\/em>&#8220;.<\/p>\n<p>They are often looking for a partner to save or complement them. Although they are looking for a <em>sense of security<\/em> in their partner, they tend to keep their partners away. Even if individuals with this <strong>attachment act<\/strong> in a desperate or uncertain way, their behavior often exacerbates their own fears.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, a relationship with an individual who has an insecure attachment style can be <strong>tedious and complicated<\/strong>: the more the partner tries to get closer to, the more the insecure individual will get away.<\/p>\n<p>Continuous and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/struggles-emotionally-detached-people\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">steady disconnection<\/a> can make the significant other <strong>feel unappreciated, unloved<\/strong> so that <strong>unhappiness and criticism<\/strong> will grow, and the<strong> lack of emotional communication <\/strong>will make some conflicts even stronger, no matter how much one tries to avoid them.<\/p>\n<p>In most cases, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/conflict-resolution-strategies\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">conflicts remain unresolved<\/a>, because individuals with such attachment style find it difficult to deal with challenges or conflicts.<\/p>\n<h2>How to Adjust Your Attachment Style:<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li>Identify people with a secure attachment style and observes them: remember specific events that show exactly how they interact, what they say, how they react to what happens to them, how they behave when their partner is in an emotionally difficult situation.<\/li>\n<li>Choose from them the characteristics you want to develop or think that needs improvement.<\/li>\n<li>Identify how the attachment style affects your everyday thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in different relationships and situations.<\/li>\n<li>Make a list of your thoughts in certain situations and see what element of the situation makes you react and how.<\/li>\n<li>In case you cannot identify or adjust the<strong> negative aspects of your attachment<\/strong>, you can always seek professional support who can provide guidance and useful therapies.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Although making changes takes time, understanding<strong> the cause of your attachment<\/strong> and its effects on your social life can help you develop new behavioral and thinking patterns, which will automatically <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/questions-to-ask\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">improve your connection<\/a> with the world around you or your partner.<\/p>\n<p><strong>References<\/strong>:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.businessinsider.com\/what-is-avoidant-attachment-style-2018-3?r=UK\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">http:\/\/uk.businessinsider.com\/<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/compassion-matters\/201307\/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/article\/item\/how_to_stop_attachment_insecurity_from_ruining_your_love_life\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">https:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>An individual who has insecure attachment is likely to have various problems in their romantic relationships. How to recognize if you have an insecure attachment style and stop it from ruining your relationships? We are all genetically programmed to search for affection and care, and the people who offer us love become the most important [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":52756,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"0","ocean_second_sidebar":"0","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"0","ocean_custom_header_template":"0","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"0","ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"off","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[58],"tags":[167,168,41,144,169],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>11 Signs You Have Insecure Attachment &amp; How It Ruins Your Relationships<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"An individual who has insecure attachment is likely to have various problems in their romantic relationships. 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