{"id":25044,"date":"2017-06-18T13:06:56","date_gmt":"2017-06-18T10:06:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/?p=25044"},"modified":"2017-06-18T13:06:56","modified_gmt":"2017-06-18T10:06:56","slug":"toxic-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeadvancer.com\/toxic-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"Were You Raised by Toxic Parents or Are You One? 6 Signs"},"content":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m not sure if I had toxic parents, but I know one of them had similar traits. It was my father<\/strong>.<\/p>\n I loved my father just like all little girls loved and adored their daddy. But my father was different<\/strong> than some of the other kid\u2019s fathers. He always seemed to draw attention to himself<\/strong> and also to my shortcomings<\/strong>. He also manipulated my mother, refusing to eat when he was mad.<\/p>\n Toxic parents deal a great blow to their children. Their actions leave scars that are much deeper<\/strong> than toxic friends met along the way. In fact, the actions of toxic parents can send you into therapy<\/strong> after they are dead and gone, just being real with you.<\/p>\n So, here\u2019s where we get to the real meat<\/strong> of the issue. Were you raised by toxic parents? I bet you never even considered the possibility. I bet you thought the fear of your parents<\/strong> that you still have, at the age of 35, seems normal, huh?<\/p>\n But wait! My son seems pretty scared of me too, and I just bribed him to take out the trash. Oh crap, does this mean what I think it does?<\/p>\n Well, surprise, it\u2019s not normal to be afraid of your parents<\/strong>, and it’s also not normal to instill fear. And there may be many other things you haven\u2019t thought about yet. Take a look at these indicators<\/strong> and see if you were the product of failed parenthood.<\/p>\n Better yet, do you have children of your own, and are you exhibiting toxic behaviors<\/strong>? This is how you will know.<\/p>\n I grew up thinking it was normal when my father walked into my room and pilfered through my belongings. I thought it was normal when he opened my mail.<\/p>\n These things are far from normal<\/strong>, and they invade a person\u2019s privacy. Children need to understand the importance of boundaries<\/strong>, and this is a direct action that teaches them that boundaries are not important.<\/p>\n Now, if you are a parent that\u2019s used to bursting into your child\u2019s room and looking through their phone, stop it! You are becoming what\u2019s called, a toxic parent. Yes, that\u2019s you! I’ve done this, and I am presently analyzing<\/strong> my parenting skills<\/a>.<\/p>\n Healthy respect is not learned by using violent language or threats. It\u2019s learned by keeping a level head<\/strong> and staying calm<\/strong> when passing down judgments or punishments. A parent who exhibits toxic behavior will scare their children<\/a>. Even adult children will be afraid<\/strong> to do anything that might anger the toxic parent.<\/p>\n Are you scaring your children? If you notice them cowering away<\/strong> when you are angry, I\u2019m sure you\u2019re seeing just how frightened they are of what\u2019s about to come. If you yell, throw things or make harsh demands, then you\u2019re doing it wrong<\/strong>.<\/p>\n I think something happened to my father when he was a child because he never lost his victim mentality<\/strong>. I haven\u2019t heard many stories of trauma or neglect<\/a>, but something happens.<\/p>\n Many toxic parents were still children themselves and it\u2019s because they had experienced childhood trauma or abuse<\/strong>, maybe it was just well hidden. These negative traits translate into feeling a loss of control<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n In some cases, children will end up raising their parents<\/strong> as their parents attempt to raise them. Strange, isn\u2019t it. For instance, a teenager, after acquiring her driver\u2019s license, may be asked by her mother, to go places or run errands. She may be asked to pay bills even. And if the teen gets a job, the parent may even borrow money.<\/p>\n Toxic parents, never really grow up<\/strong>, and even their grandchildren<\/a> may suffer later on. Have you been asking your adult child for money? Do you often make them get groceries for you or pay your rent? If you do, then shame on you.<\/p>\n A toxic parent will try to make you feel bad when you won\u2019t do something for or with them. Whether it\u2019s spending time with them, calling them or even doing something to help them out, they will make you feel like a bad kid<\/strong>.<\/p>\n You see, even children have things of their own that they need to do, like homework, for instance. But to a toxic parent, the needs of their children<\/strong> take second place.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re the parent, stop making your child feel guilty<\/strong> for things. Don\u2019t you know that children will be happier doing things for their parents and helping out if they are appreciated and not used.<\/p>\n A toxic parent may ask you to lie <\/a>for him. He may even require you to help him cover up the damage from his actions<\/strong>. If a parent has a drinking problem, he may ask his teenage son to drive him around and even hide alcohol from the other parent.<\/p>\n Trust me, I\u2019ve seen this before. There are so many things that these parents do in order to keep an illusion of a healthy family<\/strong> while attaining their selfish desires.<\/p>\n You should never ask your child to lie for you, especially if it\u2019s a lie that\u2019s being kept from the other parent. This forces the child to use negative behavior<\/strong> and also places them in the middle of spousal problems<\/strong>. It\u2019s just an all-around bad choice to make.<\/p>\n It\u2019s fine to let your child know when they\u2019ve made a bad decision. It\u2019s also important to warn them<\/strong> of something that could go wrong in the future. But using strong verbal admonishments<\/strong> will never get the point across and it\u2019s also abusive<\/a>.<\/p>\n A toxic parent will constantly criticize their child<\/a> for things: \u201cYou can do better than that<\/em>!\u201d, \u201cYou should take better care of yourself.<\/em>\u201d, \u201cYou\u2019re smarter than that.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n These things may be true, but they shouldn\u2019t be repeated<\/strong> over and over in an angry tone. Toxic parents are also known to call their children dumb, irresponsible and messy<\/strong>. This should never happen and is extremely damaging.<\/p>\n Did you call your child a name lately? Did you criticize the way they cleaned their room? If so, you could be a toxic parent yourself. Make sure you pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth<\/strong>. Don’t you know that words have powers of manifestation?<\/p>\n I started out writing about toxic parents as I remembered my father. And yes, he was a bit toxic<\/strong>, I must say, now that I\u2019ve thought it over.<\/p>\n But to my surprise, so am I. My children have endured some of the same childish<\/a> behavior<\/strong> form me as well. I didn\u2019t realize my bursting into my son\u2019s room without knocking and criticizing him harshly for failing a subject in college was a form of toxic parenting.<\/p>\nSo, who’s the toxic one here?<\/h3>\n
Toxic parents have no boundaries<\/h4>\n
To children, they are scary<\/h4>\n
Toxic parents are children too<\/h4>\n
They love to use guilt trips<\/h4>\n
They will ask you to lie for them<\/h4>\n
Toxic parents are critical of their children<\/h4>\n
Evaluate your actions and reminisce about the past. What have you learned?<\/h3>\n