If I asked you to define cheating, what would you say? Most people describe cheating as a sexual connection with someone outside a committed relationship. But many types of cheating exist, and the definition depends on who you ask.
Cheating could be an emotional or online connection, and while some partners may view a sexual affair as a deal-breaker, others might see emotional intimacy as far worse. Psychologists define cheating as a betrayal of trust in a relationship. So, what counts as cheating? Let’s see.
8 Types of Cheating
“It (cheating) refers to when a person in a committed partnership breaks the agreements that they and their partner have made around loyalty.”
Betterhelp
1. Physical infidelity
Many people define cheating as physical or sexual contact outside a committed relationship. However, perpetrators of physical cheating may not feel like they have cheated because there’s no emotional attachment. They’ll say,
“It was just sex, and it meant nothing.”
Physical affairs don’t have to involve an overtly sexual act. In fact, types of physical infidelity can include:
- Kissing
- Cuddling
- Holding hands
- Petting
- Foreplay
- Stroking
2. Emotional cheating
Emotional cheating is harder to define, and for some, can be more devastating than a physical affair. This type of cheating can look like a close friendship, but it turns into cheating when the connection deepens beyond just friends and involves an element of secrecy.
This might include meeting in secret for lunch, or texting behind their partner’s back. This person may become romantically involved and form a deep connection with someone else.
3. Fantasizing about another person
It is normal to find other people attractive in our daily lives, but according to psychologists, fantasizing about a relationship is a type of cheating. People who fantasize might not recognize this as cheating. But if you keep putting yourself in situations where you ‘bump’ into this person, it is more than just a passing fantasy. It can lead to a physical or emotional affair.
4. Romantic cheating
Romantic cheating is like emotional cheating but occurs without a specific person in mind. Perhaps this person has fallen out of love and craves that love with someone else.
People who are romantic cheaters are often in a committed relationship. They may be married or in a long-term relationship, and it is this commitment that prevents them from leaving, but the emotional attachment has gone.
5. Online cheating
Online cheating involves any sort of intimate activity without a partner’s knowledge. There are three types of online cheating:
- Emotional: Where you share intimate thoughts and desires and form a deep connection.
- Sexual: When you send intimate pictures or engage in sexual acts online.
- Pornography: When you engage in pornographic content to the detriment of your relationship.
6. Opportunistic cheating
Opportunistic cheating occurs out of the blue. The person was not looking to cheat, but an opportunity presented itself, and they could not resist. Most opportunistic cheaters do not want to leave their partner but give in to a momentary temptation. This type of cheating can also be called a ‘casual affair’ or ‘having a fling’.
“Not every act of infidelity is premeditated and driven by dissatisfaction with a current relationship. Maybe they were drinking or in some other way thrown into an opportunity they didn’t anticipate.”
Theresa E. DiDonato, social psychologist
7. Financial cheating
Financial cheating can range from buying small gifts to paying for someone’s accommodation without the partner knowing. A financial cheater will often hide bank or credit card statements from their partner so they can continue to spend money without them knowing.
8. Micro-cheating
Finally, micro-cheating involves small occurrences that violate the trust and boundaries of a committed relationship. For example, taking your wedding ring off at a weekend conference, or texting an ex.
These examples may seem insignificant, but they signal a lack of commitment within the relationship. Added together, they can also lead to more serious types of cheating.
Micro-cheating examples include:
- Lying about your relationship status
- Talking about your sex life to someone else
- Flirting with someone whom you find attractive
- Secret conversations with your ex
- Having an active dating profile
- Lying about interactions
- Complaining about your partner to someone you like
- Buying gifts for someone behind your partner’s back
- Repeatedly liking or commenting on someone’s profile
- Getting too close to a friend
- Discussing intimate details of your life with someone else
- Lying to your partner about who you are talking to
Signs of cheating
The above examples show the types of cheating, but what are the signs?
Extreme changes in mood
One minute your partner is fine; the next they are moody, distant, grumpy and snap at you for no reason.
They criticize you
Once they loved your curves, now they call you fat. Before, they used to like your natural look, now they want you to wear makeup. When you first met, they loved your short hair, now they say you look like a boy.
Uses tiredness as an excuse for their mood
When you question your partner about their mood, they say, “I’m just tired, that’s all.”
Changes in their routine
Has your partner started working late, or going to the gym at all hours?
They are protective over their devices
Does your partner go to another room when they get phone calls? Are they using a PIN code whereas before they didn’t bother? Do they shut the laptop down when you enter the room?
They stop talking to you
Has your once chatty partner turned into a monosyllabic grump? Perhaps they are talking to someone else.
They vanish for hours
Are there times when you don’t know where they are? Do they disappear and you can’t get hold of them? On their return, they are nonchalant and dismissive.
Changes in sexual appetite
A loss or increase in sexual appetite could suggest your partner is cheating. If it decreases, they could be getting their needs met elsewhere. If it increases, they could be inspired by their cheating partner.
Loss of interest in doing things together
Do they no longer want to visit your parents for Sunday lunch? Is your suggestion for a date night not taken up? Are they hesitating about booking a holiday? These could be signs of cheating.
They lie to you
Whether it is a lie by omission (leaving someone out of the conversation), vague answers to your questions, or a deliberate lie, you know they are hiding something.
Final thoughts
The definition of cheating all depends on the person. It is important to discuss what you consider deal-breakers with your partner from the beginning. Then you can both agree on what cheating is, so that the boundaries are clear.
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