Being an independent woman isn’t always easy.
Before we talk about being an independent woman, let me say a couple of words about myself.
I’ve always thought that being single (either a single mom or just plain single, no husband, partner whatsoever) is a curse in our family. My mother, my lesbian sister, my closest aunt, and most of the women in the family are all successful with their careers but not in love life.
When you’re in college or in your early 20s, to be the president or top of the class, people misjudge you for being a perfectionist, know-it-all, obsessive-compulsive, a bully, a snob, or a bitch.
But when your age already outnumbered the calendar, the soundtrack of your life could be Avril Lavigne’s beat: Sorry Girl, but you’ve missed out.
Here are some struggles I experienced and keep experiencing as an independent woman:
It’s not that I’m introvert. It’s the opposite of that. I’m an ENTJ, with that Capital E as an Extrovert. But I could sometimes pass as an introvert as people look at me like I’m such a snob much less a rude person. At the same time, because I would always want to be on the top, to be the leader, the thinker, the writer on my blog, I couldn’t take mediocrity.
But I’m not all that. I’m needy. I also need help. But then people think I can make it on my own like I always do. People look at me like I have an attitude problem. At the same time, I see myself as just trying to be the best and not settling for any less.
Whenever we have occasional gatherings with family or friends, I would always be the first time to arrive to make sure that everything is properly set up.
I may not be the host of the party, but I would want to be in command – from the choice of food, beverages, and desserts down to the positioning of the camera for that one perfect group picture.
Oh, yes, you can say that it could also mean that I’m a little obsessive-compulsive. Otherwise, I can be a slacker and be the last to arrive, pretending to be the main event.
That’s where my non-feeling part shows. As the opposite of the ENFJ (which means I’m the Thinking part versus the Feeling counterpart). Since I do a lot of thinking, I could care less if you were waiting for me for an hour. I could be managing other things that seemed more important than you are. You can call me whatever you want.
I can’t say I don’t have any girlfriends because of my eccentric personality. I can be related to an INTJ, with a girl like on this page, but I am proud to have that one friend of the opposite personality, an ENFJ.
She’s an in-law from a cousin, and both of them are like my couple in shining armor when I needed assistance from maintaining my car, my condo, and my life in general. They are my travel, gym, and movie night buddies.
Who says I don’t enjoy cuddling while watching Love Rosie for the ninth time?
At the age of 24, I’ve already been managing some professionals who are twice or thrice my age. I am intimidated and cry a lot of times coming home. But I’d pick up myself once again and get up the next morning feeling challenged.
It has always been like this even after ten years. There could sometimes be that I wanted to give up, and probably imagined a colleague to be my mate, my partner that I can just chill with during lunch breaks, and come home with after a taxing day’s work.
But then it’s hard to find that one person because men say they are intimidated by me because I am an independent woman and I already have the three Cs – my condo, my car, and my career. Just like from the same song, they’d sing to me; you were that pretty face, whose head was up in space.
True, being the ahead of the game, I can delegate tasks to the right people. It’s because I can sense what job suits a particular character. Being in charge and control is my game.
At 35 the goal of having my family turned to a blur. It’s not the same as snuggling with a boy toy ten years of my junior when I was in my late 20s.
The decision of just wanting to have a child, with or without his/her father is the best option I can think of, rather than living a life of submission. Even in Arab countries, said by a woman activist, what am I is being frowned upon, not marriage material.
My dominance couldn’t keep any human being closer to me even for a day. My insensitivity would break the relationship apart even if it hasn’t started. So just creating and nurturing a mini-me, whom I can “boss” around is highly achievable.
Although The Happy Ever After is just a fleeting occurrence to me, as an ENTJ, I am not perpetually that powerful independent woman who buys my own diamond and rings, rocking and always depends on me. I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills.
But if I got me a wealthy man, I wouldn’t have to work at all, I’d fool around and have a ball… Are you an independent woman? What struggles do you face? Let us know in the comments below.
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