Feeling insecure in a relationship is natural, but it’s important to know when it’s too much and how to stop.

A little insecurity is normal, and everyone feels it some time, but feeling insecure in a relationship is a little different.  It can cause unnecessary problems and can make it seem like problems are much worse than they are.

In the same way, it can exacerbate problems which may already exist as the cause of the insecurity originally. This can lead to a vicious cycle. Knowing how to stop feeling insecure in a relationship is the best way to counteract it.

Before you can know how to stop feeling insecure, you must understand why you feel insecure. There are a number of reasons why you feel insecure in your relationship. It’s not always because you feel your partner is doing something wrong.

1. You feel unequal to your partner

Inequality in a relationship is the biggest attributing factor to insecurity because we feel we don’t fit. Whether it be that one partner earns more than the other, a significant age difference, or simply because one feels less intelligent, inequality consequently leaves us feeling we don’t suit our partners.

This is purely a self-esteem issue. This can lead us to believe our partners may look for something similar to the quality we believe they have more of as a result.

How to stop it:

Feeling insecure in a relationship due to a perceived inequality is one of the easiest problems to solve.  You need to talk it out with your partner. Tell them why you feel unequal and address ways of fixing it because chances are, your partner hasn’t noticed it.

Where possible, try to minimize the inequalities by spending more time doing the things that make you unique and building your self-esteem. Don’t be afraid to seek some reassurance from your partner that they love you exactly how you are.

2. You compare your relationship to others

We are all guilty of comparing our relationship to others, but it’s a classic cause of feeling insecure in a relationship.  We see other couples and imagine them to be happier, more adventurous, or more in love.

Sometimes, we end up wishing that our relationships had the same qualities or worrying we’re not as happy as others.

How to stop it:

Comparing your relationship to others can sometimes be helpful.  If you are jealous of how adventurous another couple is, you may be craving the same adventure. Talk to your partner about ideas as to how you can bring adventure into your own relationship with trips and experiences.

If you want a little more attention in public, don’t be afraid to ask for it. What is dangerous about such comparisons, however, is that you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.

The couples who seem so happy and in love in the company of others may have real issues going on at home. If you know your relationship is solid and there is nothing to argue or worry about, you don’t need to compare yourselves to the couple who seems to have a perfect life. It may be a false picture.

3. You’re not spending enough time together

Feeling insecure in a relationship comes quickly when you don’t spend enough time together because missing your partner can quickly lead to wondering what they’re up to, especially if it’s difficult to stay in contact. If you live in a different city or country to your partner, this can leave us feeling insecure quite quickly and this can be difficult to combat.

How to fix it:

Talk to your partner about ways you can spend more time together or how you can stay in more contact.  The more contact you have with your partner, the better the set you are to stop feeling insecure.

Where it’s difficult to spend a lot of time together, try to make the most of the time you do get together by making it special with dates and experiences.

4. You’re spending too much time together

Sometimes spending too much time together can be just as detrimental to a relationship as not spending enough time together.  You can get on each other’s nerves, or lose your individuality by spending too much time in the relationship.

This can make you feel insecure in yourself by forgetting the things which are special to you and negatively affect the relationship.

How to fix it:

Take some time for yourself away from your partner and remember the things you enjoy doing by yourself.  Spend some time with friends and family and remind yourself of the things that make you special.

You may find that having a little space and some added self-confidence can make all the difference when you’re feeling insecure in a relationship.

5. Your insecurity comes from intuition

Although we don’t like admitting it, sometimes feeling insecure in a relationship comes from an intuition that something just isn’t right.  Your gut may be warning you that there is a problem and it might not actually just be insecurity.

How to fix it:

It’s important to trust your partner. Try to figure out whether something you have noticed from your partner makes you feel this way.  If there is, talk to your partner and confront the behaviors which are making you feel insecure.

If your concerns aren’t properly addressed, you may need to think about the kind of relationship you really want.

Feeling insecure in a relationship is a difficult problem to solve because there can be many causes of insecurity both in and out of a relationship which affects the relationship itself.

Try to assess the situation properly and address the problem at hand. Your partner will appreciate that you are making effort to work on the relationship because it will make both of you feel safe, secure and happy.


By Francesca F.

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