People act and feel certain ways according to their relationship status. When you’re used to staying single, your perspective of life is different.
Being able to speak from two perspectives, single and married, has given me the advantage of understanding things a bit better. For instance, I can now see how staying single for long periods of time can greatly change how we view relationships, even life in general.
It’s true. It’s strange how so much difference can come according to whether or not you share your daily life with someone or not.
How things change
Staying single for a long time quickly reveals the truth about many aspects of life. By understanding these truths, we learn to formulate a new way of looking at things. There are a few ways that staying single for too long changes how we feel, speak, and act when it comes to making decisions. Let’s take a closer look.
Unfortunately, when staying single for too long, you start sabotaging things. If you were in relationships on a regular basis before, you probably seemed a bit more concerned when things went wrong, right? Well, now that you’ve been single for say 5 years or so, you just don’t care how things work out, do you? There is a reason for that mindset.
The reason why you’re falling victim to self-sabotage now that you have been single for so long is that you have been single for so long…You see, you know it’s not hard to be alone, and in fact, you’ve done this long enough to be comfortable. So, honestly, if the relationship doesn’t work out, you know that you will be fine.
There is no more feeling like you’re going to die if the relationship dies. No, if the relationship ends, you know you will be fine..you might even be super okay with it. This is the problem.
Staying single for a long time makes you forget what’s appropriate and not appropriate for relationships. For instance, someone who has been single for a while will be used to flirting openly and seeking intimate partners. However, when you are in a committed relationship, you cannot do these things.
There are other behaviors as well that work in much the same way. As a single person, your habits and behaviors are understood by others in life. You aren’t attached, you are free to be a bit more selfish, and you can focus on improving yourself for yourself.
In a relationship, you are attached to another in one way or the other, you cannot be selfish and you must focus on things for both you and your partner. You can see how the differing behaviors would reflect these opposing groups.
After being single for so long, you develop a certain detachment for things relationship centered. Romantic movies hold less weight in your mind, and couples seem alien to you. You may wonder why there is such an emphasis on the need for relationships in the first place.
Let’s face it, you’re out of practice when it comes to these things. Just like some people worry that their physical parts will shrivel up due to non-use, the also feel like their needs and desires for another will wane as well. Honestly, in some aspects it does. It’s as if you’re seeing love through a window and just cannot quite connect with the possibility.
4. The routine
Since there’s no one around to coax you to shake up your routine, it seems you’re following it quite well. I know, this sounds like a good thing, doesn’t it? You make a schedule, keep it to a “T”, but come on, there is no shred of excitement to mess that routine up.
Being single too long has robbed you of one important thing in life…spontenaiety. Now, I’m not saying that consistency is bad, heaven forbid. I am just saying that you will look at things differently, like idolizing the routine, when you’re staying single for too long.
When there’s no one around to pull you from your comfort zone once in a while, you will never leave it. You start to think that what you have is good enough, and a relationship is just not worth disrupting that sanctuary. See how loaded this turned out to be?
5. Hope dwindles
Unfortunately, if you’ve been in your share of toxic relationships and such, you will be extremely cynical while single. You will see the first dates as disasters waiting to happen. The longer you stay single, the more you will doubt that there is anyone who can prove you wrong.
Hope starts to fade when you talk yourself out of a good time. You may harbor thoughts like, “They will be the same as every loser you ever dated” or “No one is loyal anymore”. While the world today makes these thoughts seem so real, there is always the possibility that there’s someone special for you.
If you like being alone, that’s fine, but if you secretly crave love, don’t give up. The single life has caused you to see things in a negative light.
6. There’s no more jealousy
Staying single for a long time transforms something integral in a human being. When you first break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you will be jealous whenever you are around happy couples. This is a normal emotion. But over time, you will stop feeling this way and accept that you are alone.
You will look at other aspects of life in the same manner. You will not idolize many things in life anymore because you’ve come to terms with the fact that being alone isn’t all that bad. Honestly, it’s not if that’s what you really want. So, seeing things this way can be both positive and negative. I guess it depends on the context of the situation.
7. Expectations are really high
One of the things that happen when you’re single for a long time is your expectations increase. Let’s be honest, some of these expectations get ridiculous. I can attest to this as my expectations grew after I was alone for two years. I no longer tolerate half the things that I put up with during my last marriage.
When you’ve learned to be alone, you’ve gotten to know yourself. During this time, you had the opportunity to zero in on your likes and dislikes. You’ve also learned about proper respect and discovered your self-worth. You now see the world much differently from this new perspective. What you do with these expectations can work for or against you in relationships.
It all depends on how you look at it
Being single, being in a relationship…they both have their pros and cons. And we do see things differently when we’ve been doing it solo for a while. I get it. The important things to remember is to act accordingly.
If you want to be in a relationship, understand the needs of your partner and respect them. If you want to stay single, understand yourself and that you’re not wrong to choose this option. Don’t let anyone say you’re lacking for choosing you.
Either way, let’s appreciate the various ways we view reality…with or without a hand to hold.
By Sherrie H.