There are signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love. These indicators are sometimes much different than usual.
I knew nothing of being emotionally unavailable until I was an adult. In fact, there were many things I didn’t understand about personalities and relationships, and even the way they intersected. Now as an adult I even recognize signs of emotional unavailability. That’s right, this trait is more common than you think.
Emotional unavailability is when someone is not able to show their emotions easily and cannot move past casual involvement. They are evasive and build walls around their true feelings.
How to recognize the signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you
So, now you know what the terms mean. And yes, it does sounds kind of complicated where emotions are concerned. I’ve had times when I felt that I was being emotionally unavailable, and I probably was. On the flip side, I’ve been in relationships with an emotionally unavailable man – that was my husband. So complicated or not, I recognize it from experience.
The strange thing about it was while I could tell that he loved me, I could also feel the divide between us from the lack of emotion. There are many ways you can catch on to these things, these little indicators, not just that he is unavailable emotionally, but that he is still deeply in love with you. It was difficult for me at first to see this strange contradiction, but now everything makes sense after the relationship has long been ended.
Here’s how you can spot the signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you:
1. Arrogant but kind
Seems like these words should contradict themselves, and normally they do, but in this case, they work together. When an emotionally unavailable man is in love, he will open doors, pull out chairs, and do other kind things for the object of his affection. But, when doing so, he will make sure it’s seen by others.
He may talk loud, showing off like a peacock flairs its tail, and he may even make loud jokes. He may be the showman all while handing you a single red rose. Feigning kindness and being arrogant is covering up the fact that he has no idea how to handle the new feelings of love he’s having. It sure is a strange spectacle when this happens.
2. He’s detached but interested
When he’s in love, he will show interest in everything you have to say. Here’s the catch: he will not have a lot to say about himself. If you ask about his day, he will say, “Oh, nothing really important happened. It was just another day.” Then he will push the conversation back to you.
Yes, it’s nice to have someone to listen to you, but it’s unnerving when they never share anything. It’s hard to tell when they get mad, and hard to tell exactly how they feel. However, for a moment, just before you leave, they will brighten up and ask you to stay. The truth is, even though they don’t open up to you, it doesn’t mean they aren’t hanging on your every word and truly care.
3. He struggles with commitment
It may be obvious that your boyfriend loves you, and loves you a great deal, but he keeps putting off going to the next level. Every time you talk about it, he finds a way to change the subject. Now, here’s the funny thing that tells you he’s still in love with you. As you stop pestering him about commitment, he starts asking YOU to go to the next level. It seems like a control tactic, but actually, when you stop asking, he’s afraid he’s losing you.
How can you tell an emotionally unavailable man is in love? Just drop the marriage topic and watch him pick it up and use it on you. It might not happen immediately, but soon, he will be proposing. Unfortunately, if he’s emotionally unavailable, you might want to rethink your original “next level” pestering. Maybe he was right in the beginning about shirking that commitment.
4. He shows love physically
You know those times you want to be intimate but in a conversational way? Yeah, this is where you lose this type of man. Signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love point to physical intimacy over emotional intimacy. It’s just that simple. Every time you try to talk, he will get physically intimate with you. It always leads to full physical intimacy that keeps him from sharing feelings.
You might wonder why he can be in love and not talk about his feelings. Well, you see, men like to this tend to show their emotions through sexual intimacy much easier than any other way. They just aren’t available to utilize the full extent of romance. The sweet talk, cuddling, and playfulness are rare, but you can tell they are in love because they are physical a great deal of the time to show it.
5. He stays for some reason
Emotionally unavailable men can get extremely angry for the oddest reasons. Sometimes you never really understand why they are mad. Even when the relationship seems to be over, they stay anyway. Where most couples will call it quits when fighting escalates, the emotionally unavailable man just stays and convinces you to give it another try. He knows what’s happening inside, and he knows he lacks something really important. He just doesn’t know how to fix it or isn’t’ ready to yet.
One of the most noticeable signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love is his ability to hang on by a thread. Honestly, the relationship is teetering on destruction, but he refuses to give up. He knows there is always hope if he can find a way to keep it together once more. It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen.
6. He comes back when it ends
If you decide to absolutely end the relationship, he will find a way back. He will want to stay friends with you, or he will try to do nice things. If you have children together, he may even use them to get to you. He doesn’t have evil thoughts when he does this, he is just still in love.
His dysfunctionality did nothing to change the one feeling he recognizes, and that’s being in love. But keep in mind, until he wants to change or is able to change, he will always be, for the most part, emotionally unavailable to you.
How can we help them?
Men who show these signs are some of the best people I’ve ever known. Although it may seem like they do not care, that’s not true. You have to be around an emotionally unavailable man for a long time to understand why he’s like this. Some behaviors of an emotionally unavailable man in love will reveal hints about his past. As you notice these signs, you will also notice cracks in the façade he shows.
Deep down, this man wants to be loved like any other, he wants to show his feelings, and he wants to tear down the wall. But because of some trauma or other experience in his life, he’s learned to deal with people at a mental distance – it’s a detachment that shows a perfect man on the exterior while hiding a damaged boy on the inside.
In love with an emotionally unavailable man? Keep a few things in mind.
You cannot change him. No matter how hard you try to get him out of that shell, he will not come out until he actually wants to change. No words of encouragement, no loving hugs and kisses, and no threats will ever bring out his emotions, that is unless you want the angry ones. I think those come out the easiest. So, remember that.
Do not suffocate him or try to pressure him to commit. As I said above, he will never agree to a higher level if he feels he’s being pushed there. Always being around him asking questions will drive him away too.
But most important of all, respect yourself. If you feel that you cannot stay in a relationship with someone like this, then, by all means, end the cycle. You may not be able to mentally deal with the lack of emotions. It may even be draining and a bit contagious.
So, those are just a few things to think about.
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