We all have certain relationship expectations. We expect to be loved, to be treated fairly, and not to be let down or lied to.
These are perfectly realistic, but when these relationship expectations are set unrealistically high, they can affect us in a negative way.
Here are six signs that you have unrealistic relationship expectations and what causes them:
1. Your partner can read your mind
Expecting your partner to be a mind-reader is not only unrealistic but completely unfair to them. How would you like it if you were expected to be able to know exactly what your partner was thinking at all times? It is a ridiculous assumption and gets you nowhere.
You might have this expectation because you are particularly proactive and have always had to use your initiative when growing up. Perhaps your parents were neglectful and you had to step in at an early age and look after yourself, or you had to try and placate an escalating row between them.
You are used to spotting the signs and act accordingly to ease a situation. Remember, not everyone has lived your life or had your experiences so cut your partner some slack.
2. I can make them change for the better
If you are not happy with your partner’s behaviour, then you should question why you got together with them in the first place, rather than try and change them down the line.
Imagine if you got married and then your better half wanted you to change some aspect of your character, how insulting is that? They should be happy with who you are surely or why would they choose to be with you? People do grow and change but together and not as a result of someone’s criticisms.
Ask yourself what it is about your partner that you want to change and then examine yourself. Did someone in your past have this characteristic or trait? Remember, a person’s core traits do not change, and it is unfair to ask them to.
3. They won’t be attracted to other people
We are all human and we will always be attracted to others, it is what we do about it that is important. If your partner stares at a gorgeous man or woman and makes remarks that you find offensive, then fine, we can all agree that is bad behaviour.
However, it is one of the totally unrealistic relationship expectations to think that someone will not to notice an attractive person.
It is perfectly fine to notice, but if you have a problem with that, you might want to question your self-esteem right now. Have you always felt not good enough or have you had bad relationships in the past where a partner has left you for another person?
It is human nature to notice beauty, so if your reaction is over the top, question your motives, not your partners.
4. All your family and friends will love them just as much as you do
So you might think the sun shines out of your partner’s backside but it doesn’t necessarily follow that everyone else will. Sure it is lovely if all your family and friends can see the qualities that made you fall in love with your partner, but it is not a condition of your happiness.
You and your partner spend the majority of your time together, without the influence of family or friends, so their views are superfluous at best. Learn to live with other people’s opinions and rely on your own judgement.
If you find you are unduly influenced by your family or friends, then consider why this is. Were you allowed to make decisions growing up or were you molly-coddled as a child? Learning to trust our own instincts is all part of being a mature adult.
5. If they loved me, they would want to marry me
Some people want the security of marriage, others don’t see the point. If you have two people with these opposing views, it can make for a really unhappy relationship. This is also true if one person wants a church wedding and the other is not religious.
Both parties need to look into their past to see what in particular that has given them such opposing points of view. Is there a compromise available? Is there some point where the two can meet halfway? Decide what is more important, your deeply held views or the love for your partner.
6. It is not romantic anymore, so it must be over
When the honeymoon period is over, it can resemble a comfortable old slipper, that familiarity of the key in the door, your partner coming home from work, the two of your deciding on dinner, yawn yawn yawn!
If you are the sort of person that needs the constant buzz of a new relationship, any long-term partnership is going to be really hard to sustain. Ask yourself why you need this buzz, why you think a steady life is boring? It can be fulfilling and reliable and a wonderful experience to grow old with someone you love.
These are just six unrealistic relationship expectations, do you know anymore when it comes to your partner? Let us know in the comments section below.
By Janey D.