If you are trying to please everyone, here are some reasons to be OK with the idea that not all people like you.
It is easy to spot people pleasers. They are so nice that you feel uncomfortable. If you point out a flaw, they will do their best to cajole you and make sure that you do not feel offended.
Their over-trying ways leave you with a sense of guilt. You feel as though you did nothing to deserve the royal treatment. Ironically, it is that very behavior that causes people to disrespect them.
While you should always try your level best to get along with others, you should never compromise your beliefs and integrity. The key is to maintain your boundaries, and remember that it is alright that you cannot sway every one of them.
How Many People Should Like You?
How many people should like me; you may ask. Relationship experts suggest that a good number is 85%. Your behavior is probably off the mark if the number falls too much below this. If 100% of the people who meet you like you, congratulations because you have attained perfection. Of course, each person, without exception, has room to learn and grow.
How you May Make People Dislike you Without Realizing it
Of course, one should never consciously offend people, and you probably do not. However, You may unwittingly do a few things that make people annoyed with you.
Perhaps your interpersonal skills are not the best, so you figure that you have to keep your opinions to yourself, lest you say the wrong thing. Without the other party’s hearing, however, you may express them voluminously. Not only are you passive-aggressive, but are also portraying yourself as high and mighty.
Another faux pas people make is to accidentally assert power over others. This social mistake is probably the most common. You may tell your friends about the successful date you had without realizing one or two of them had just broken up with their better halves. You come across as arrogant and trying to have “one up” over them, without that intention. The problem doubles for women, who tend to subject themselves to the power play, often without realizing it.
It is easy to fall into such traps. Because you were not one of the coolest kids on the block, you assume that status will never be yours. You think that everyone else is more confident than you are and that they do not have issues. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Reasons Why You Should Be OK if Not Everyone Likes You
No one likes having others dislike them, but reality bites. It may come as a surprise that popular people have their detractors. Remember that everyone has a right to their viewpoints, and do not always have to agree with you.
Here are a few good reasons to be OK with the fact that not everyone likes you and you don’t have to please everyone:
1. You can speak your mind
Consider this. When you are not concerned about how well people like you, you can speak your mind freely. You will not have to worry about others judging you. You can explore your feelings freely.
2. You can prepare for success
Choose any famous celebrity, and you will discover his many anti-fans. The more popular you become, the more subject you are to scrutiny. You will deal with it better if you are prepared to be OK with the fact that not everyone likes you.
3. You learn to offer compassion without expectations
It is always easy to offer compassion to those who love you in return. The true test of your character, however, is if you are able to empathize with those who smother you with unkindness.
4. You will become inspirational
Your ability to carry on despite criticism can inspire. It will remind you and others that they should not feel afraid to be unique.
5. Your bravery may help others
Your willingness to be brave and express yourself when necessary may give others the courage to do the same. Be Mr or Miss Unpopular, when it is the right time.
6. You will be able to say no
Not always having everyone on your side gives you leverage to exercise your boundaries. You will be able to say “no” when people encroach them, without feeling guilty about causing hurt.
7. You can be true to yourself
Trying to please others may involve having to comprise your values and beliefs. When you do not have such worries, you will have the freedom to be yourself. You will be able to smile, sincerely.
8. You can use your time to your best advantage
Not always having to satisfy the likes of others will allow you to use your time to your best advantage. You can enrich yourself when you do not spend time worrying about the opinions of others.
How to Establish Boundaries
Realize that not everyone is going to like you. Offending others will not work other. The key to getting the respect of people is to maintain your boundaries.
Have self-awareness. You cannot set boundaries if you are unsure of where you stand. Take time to consider what your physical, emotional, and mental limits are. Ponder over what makes you upset, and what excites you. That may help people know your limits.
An essential aspect of setting limits is to tune into your feelings. Think of them in a continuum of 1 to 10. If your feelings about sensitive subjects are on the higher end of this continuum, you are likely to blow up if someone mentions them or acts in a way that bothers you.
There are times when you need to approach a person directly. Partners in a relationship, for example, may need to talk about how much space they need, and how much time they should spend together.
Make yourself a priority, and give yourself permission to put yourself first. That means giving yourself room to honor your feelings. It gives you energy, a bright outlook, and peace of mind.
Not everyone will like you, but there will be people who do. Seek the support of friends who mean most to you.
If you maintain balance in your relationships and know your boundaries, you will be OK and it won’t matter if some people don’t like you.
By Michelle L.
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