There are some negative behavior patterns that you may be following unconsciously and that is destroying your self-confidence without you even knowing.
You put on your favorite jeans. You just got new shoes and you love them. Your favorite jacket is ready to go. You look good and you know it.
Suddenly, the old patterns emerge. You start having doubts. Maybe the jeans are too tight.
That other person, who’s always stealing the spotlight, is looking way better than you.
What’s going on? Where did your self-confidence go? Can you recognize the negative behavior situations that are pulling you down?
The first step towards progress is recognizing your flaws. Once you understand what you’re doing wrong, you’ll start fixing the negative behavior.
We’ll list 7 self-imposed situations that are killing your confidence. Plus, we’ll give you tips on how to avoid them.
1. Being Afraid of New Experiences
Ask yourself: are you living life to the fullest? Would you try paragliding? How about an unplanned trip to a random destination? How does that the idea of trying something new make you feel? If you’re afraid or anxious by the sole thought of it, you’re showing signs of toxic behavior.
The comfort zone is a state that feels familiar and safe. Anything outside of it scares you. In the most extreme situations, people don’t leave their homes because they are afraid of the world they would face outside.
Do something today! Take small steps, but keep making them. Sign up for a cardio fitness class. Become a member of a local book club. Book tickets and invite a friend to see an exciting place.
Talk to that likable guy/woman in the cafeteria. There are too many beautiful things to experience.
2. Imagining Failure
“I don’t like this job and I feel like it’s sucking on my potential. I don’t get paid enough for the responsibility I have. Maybe I have to get another job.”
This kind of thinking will push you towards leaving the job and applying for a new position. Does that scare you? Are you imagining the worst-case scenario?
“What if I don’t get another job? What if I do get one, but it’s even worse? Maybe I’m good where I am now.”
That’s negative behavior. A confident person will never envision failure. They will go through life with a positive mindset. This is not an idealistic attitude. It’s completely realistic. When you adopt this mindset, you’ll still be aware of the possibility of failure.
However, you’ll pay more attention to the opportunities you’re about to get when making a certain decision. You’ll realize that even failure can lead you to a better situation than the one you’re currently living through. There’s always a lesson to learn, even when failure is in question.
Do you keep setting unreasonably high standards for yourself? If you set the bar too high, it means you can hardly achieve the goals you impose on yourself. No matter how hard you try to be the best one, you’ll always see someone achieving better results than yours.
Are you forcing yourself to be the best-dressed, most beautiful, smartest, and most successful individual you know? Are you one of those people who are never happy with second place? Why the competition, anyway? Why do you keep comparing yourself to others?
Perfectionism is killing your self-confidence. Accept the fact that your best is good enough. The more perfect you’re trying to be, the further you are from perfection. It’s a state you can never reach.
Set the bar a little lower. You’ll still achieve great results. You’ll just stop being so harsh on yourself. When you start seeing your own progress, you’ll get your confidence back.
Some people love drama. Have you heard of the Karpman drama triangle? It’s the pattern of negative behavior for people prone to exaggeration. Dr. Karpman identified three roles in drama triangle: persecutor, rescuer, and victim.
The persecutor is the angry one. This is the person who will blame other people for every problem they face. When they get scared, they become tough. The victim shows the opposite behavior.
They lack self-confidence and they don’t have the strength to make their own decisions. They desperately want a rescuer. The rescuer, on the other hand, can sense when people are in trouble. They are constantly looking for victims to save.
Do you know where these roles come from? Our ego creates them. If you recognized yourself somewhere in this drama triangle, it’s time to escape from it. You can do that only when you start recognizing your own value.
5. Negative Self-Talk
We all have our internal conversations. It’s time to identify the pattern in yours. Are you constantly blaming yourself for not doing things better? Are you telling yourself you’re worthless? Overweight? Not handsome enough? Not smart enough?
Are you recognizing destructive self-talk?
That’s not doing good for your self-confidence levels. Don’t worry; you can abandon this negative behavior. The moment you catch a negative thought in your head, turn it around.
Keep repeating to yourself: “You’re good enough.” Give yourself a motivational speech. Be realistic about your virtues and flaws, but do recognize the virtues.
6. Not Feeling Smart Enough
Do you feel like most people know more than you? You know a lot about your profession and you have the skills to do it, but you lack general knowledge? Is that why you can’t make small talk?
Is that why you stay quiet when people around you are engaged in exciting discussions? Are you afraid that people will start laughing at you because they will think you’re stupid?
If you think you don’t know interesting things, you’re wrong. You have your own knowledge and experience. You can always upgrade the knowledge. Watch at least two documentaries each week. Instead of reading silly online articles in your free time, start reading useful publications.
This is the most important thing: stop being afraid to say something. You know a lot. No one will laugh at you. It’s just a conversation. Even if you make a mistake, it’s not a big deal.
7. The Need to Be Right All the Time
Do you think self-confident people think they are always right? There’s a huge difference between healthy self-confidence and arrogance. Arrogant people disregard the opinions of others.
They take a stand without giving the slightest room for doubt. If you prove they are wrong, they turn the discussion into a verbal aggressiveness. That’s not the attitude you want.
You need to understand that truly confident people are not trying to be right all the time. They realize that finding out what is right is more important than proving the initial point at any cost. Backing down is okay. You just need to learn the lesson and do it with grace.
Get into discussions! If you have an opinion, share it. The fact that you’re allowed to change opinions should give you the confidence to speak up.
Negative behavior situations undermine our self-confidence. We’ve all been there. The question is: will we stay there? You can’t build self-confidence in a day. It requires self-analysis and a lot of effort. Make the first step forward! Recognize your own negativity and start standing up to it.