A healthy mother-daughter relationship is about balance and being fair, but there are costly mistakes that can damage this union.
The mother-daughter relationship may seem like a perfect union straight from the Lifetime Movie Network.
In some cases, this is true, but it’s rare. In most situations, there are certain levels of toxicity. Thank goodness it’s usually in small doses and it’s only temporary.
In other cases, however, there are mistakes that can be so grave as to threaten the daughter’s future happiness.
This is when we need to pay attention. Yes, some mother-daughter relationships appear to come straight from nightmares instead. It’s time we stopped these mindsets and behaviors before it’s too late.
Some mistakes are devastating
Unlike little quarrels and disagreements that almost all mothers and daughters fall victim to, there are mindsets and toxic behaviors which leave horrid mental scars. Here are a few mistakes that can actually cost the happiness of your daughter. Mothers beware!
Don’t let these things destroy the connection you have with your own daughter.
1. Unrealistic expectations
I guess it’s okay to have a certain degree of expectations for your daughter, but if you set them too high, it could spell failure. Not only that, but unrealistic expectations can cause unsurmountable pressure, stress that can send into motion anxiety and other disorders.
Moms, I know you want your daughter to be like you, but you cannot force ways, beliefs, and standards upon your child. Either you will allow them to become what they are meant to be or high expectations will ruin them. Take heed of this warning.
2. Negative talks about her father
It’s never good to slander the father, even if you are no longer married. Your daughter loves both her mother and father equally and it’s important to establish a civil relationship between the three of you.
Also, never deny your daughter the love of her father. She will need a father figure to help her with relationships in the future. This is a form of balance and healthy dynamics.
3. Controlling behavior
Just like controlling behavior proves unhealthy in intimate relationships, it also proves to be extremely bad for the mother-daughter relationship as well. It’s important to understand that at some point in her growth, you, as a mother, will need to let go.
You will need to step back and let your daughter make decisions on her own. Forcing your ideas will only damage your daughter and her ability to be happy.
What controlling behavior does to the mother-daughter relationship is it isolates the daughter from others. This mindset establishes insecurity and keeps the daughter from striving for future goals in her life.
She is stuck in a toxic embrace in which, without being released, she will carry into her adulthood. Please, relinquish control of your daughter and let her life freely.
You might not think too much attention is just too much, but it is. A mother can actually be clingy and hover over her daughter, and yes, this is a bad thing. Hovering, which also sometimes includes invasion of privacy, can cause damage to a daughter’s self-esteem and independence.
Although love is a good thing, so is privacy and cultivating personal space. Without being able to appreciate her own space, a daughter will remain dependent on others well into adulthood, or on the flip side, grow to resent being loved too hard.
Most of the time, this sort of behavior means mothers just aren’t emotionally present for their daughters. Although they may talk to them, they fail to really listen to the needs and wants of their loved one.
This coldness teaches daughters that serious issues in life really don’t matter that much and ignoring them is the key. This is so wrong and can greatly damage a growing woman’s future.
Some of the most important talks between mother and daughter involve relationships and intimacy, and this lack of communication will leave the daughter to fend for herself and learn, possibly from less-than-savory sources.
6. Picking Fights
Starting fights with your daughter is a form of abuse. Even if you never physically harm her, you can still leave emotional scars. Many toxic mothers pick fights on a regular basis, even fighting when there’s no real reason for dissension.
This is a horrible action as it instills the idea that nothing works unless you fight about it or for it, which is untrue. Instead of advocating peace, mother-daughter relationships, such as this, turn into an endless war.
7. Lack of discipline
You might not think about daughters having freedom as a bad thing, but it can be. Some mothers have no sense of discipline and rather permit their children to do whatever they want.
While this may feel good for the daughter, for the time being, it will not be beneficial to her in the future. Also, believe it or not, some daughters become pretty distraught when they notice their mother’s lack of discipline and will do negative things to get her attention.
Not only does this lack of discipline cause problems, it also reinforces the idea that no one should abide by rules and everything goes. There’s no way this can be a positive outlook on life.
How to restore balance before it’s too late
What’s this? Are you guilty of these things, or maybe just one of them? It’s okay, there’s always time to change and ask for forgiveness. One thing I learned with my own children, is that it’s okay, as a mother, to admit you’re wrong.
It’s okay to admit you have failed and you desire to be a better mother. It’s never too late to have a mother-daughter relationship that revolves around balance and healthy actions.
Let’s start now to ensure your daughter’s happiness.
By Sherrie H.