Do you feel upset about loving the wrong person?
Do you wonder why you always do? You get along fabulously with your partner. But you feel restless. Your unresolved feelings may come about because of loving the wrong person.
However, it’s hard to tell if you’re in the right relationship. Here are some signs that you’ve linked up with the wrong partner for you, and how to avoid them.
Why You keep Loving The Wrong Person
You may ask yourself why you keep loving the wrong person. Why do you keep having one failed relationship after another?
Like some people, you may draw to partners who trigger familiar feelings, positive or otherwise. You may, alternatively, want attention from unconventional partners because they challenge your norms. If you are an introverted person, you may fall in love with an outdoor-loving partner who loves bungee jumping.
Whoever you choose, finding common ground is a task. Being together with someone who brings on warm feelings, but reminds you too much of a negative event in your childhood will upset you eventually. Conversely, someone who is somewhat different, but may challenge your principles is not a perfect partner either.
You’ll have to rethink how you select a mate, or you’ll set yourself up for heartache.
Loving the Wrong Person: 10 Signs
The person you’re involved with is an incredible soul who cares for you. However, the two of you aren’t a perfect match. You may not realize that you’re not in love with Mr or Miss Right, so here are some telling signs.
1. Your self-confidence is low.
First of all, you shouldn’t feel terrible after a date. If you feel less of a person after a night out, the time may have come to re-assess your relationship. Being with your partner should give your self-esteem a boost, not deal it a blow. You may not realize that your partner is making you feel small.
2. Losing Yourself
You may feel that you can’t exercise your priorities or behave in the way you want to in front of your partner. Perhaps you’ve been putting your personality in the backseat because your partner’s always criticizing your behavior. Love should give you freedom for self-expression.
3. You’re insecure
Another way to tell that you love the wrong person is if you feel unsafe around him or her. If you feel tense because your partner may become physically violent or verbally abusive, it’s time to take stock of your relationship.
4. You’re thinking of your ex.
Perhaps your present partner’s doing all the right things, and so are you. But you feel uneasy despite his or her attempts to please you. Are you thinking of your ex or feeling extremely dissatisfied that your partner’s not all you want him or her to be? You may want to re-evaluate your relationship before both of you become unhappy.
5. You feel put out
Furthermore, you feel drained every time you come home after a date. Is your partner always complaining about this, that or the other? You can’t sacrifice yourself for an emotional vampire. Psychiatrists like Judith Orloff say that a person should feel free and relaxed in a relationship.
6. You Put In All The Effort
You take the trouble to remember your partner’s birthday or your relationship anniversary, but he or she always says, ‘Oh, it’s your birthday? That’s good, ‘ when it’s your big day. The constant and sometimes purposeful indifference is hurtful.
If your partner never bothers to make the relationship work, it’s time to take stock of it. That said, don’t go to the other extreme and keep score of everything, or you’ll create friction.
7. You fear a breakup every time you meet
Do you always feel that you’ll meet your partner for the last time? A healthy relationship will not feel like a ticking time bomb. Consequently, if either of you wants to leave because of mall matters, you may have to reassess your relationship.
8. There’s no future
Do you see yourself building a future with your partner? If you can picture him or her creating a home with you or even setting up a business together, you are right for each other. If you feel that your partner spoils your dreams of the future, then ask yourself if you should make him or her a part of it.
9. You’re always making excuses
You may find yourself always coming up with reasons for being with your partner. Something doesn’t feel right, yet you stay in the relationship. Are you afraid of being alone?
10. Lack of Support
Does your partner say, ‘Why not call Maggie?’ when you need a shoulder? Your partner should lend one readily. Furthermore, constant criticism of your dreams and aspirations is a red flag. Your partner should give you a boost, not tear you down.
Ways to Cope with Loving the Wrong Person
So how do stop loving the wrong person, and cope with it when you do? Here are a few suggestions.
First of all, break bad patterns. If you know what causes you to draw to a particular type of person whom you know is not the best partner for you, look for the catalyst. Perhaps it’s past trauma or something within a ‘wrong partner’ that’s too charismatic to resist. Whatever it is, come up with mechanisms to avoid it.
And then, realize that chemistry is only one aspect of love. Recognize that you’ll have to work together through challenges as well. If you’re together with someone only because you click, reassess your relationship.
Another way to avoid loving the wrong person is to ask if your partner will stick with you when things get rough. If he or she is willing to swim in choppy waters with you, you have the right partner.
In all, you can spare yourself the angst of loving the wrong person if you recognize the signs and take steps to break unhealthy relationship patterns.
By Michelle L.