What Is a Love-Hate Relationship and How to Find If You Are In One

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If you’re in a love-hate relationship, you will probably identify with some or all of the following signs.

Although the words ‘love’ and ‘hate’ don’t seem like they should both be used to describe a relationship, sometimes it’s just the perfect description. A love-hate relationship can be intense.

It can swing from being better than the best when things are good, then swing to a powerful aversion to your partner that makes you question the relationship entirely. From tender affection to unkind words, love-hate relationships have it all.

Chances are, if you’re in a love-hate relationship, you’ll be able to relate to these key signs:

1. The make-up, break-up cycle never ends

Has it gotten to the point that, with every break-up, you always know you’re getting back together?  No matter how many times you try to get out of a love-hate relationship, the intensity of the good aspects is always what drags us back in.

2. You don’t have a long-term goal

Being in a relationship just to be in it is not a good way to be.  Relationships should grow together and have shared goals, allowing both individuals to benefit as well as the couple. If you don’t see a future with your partner, or see a very limited one, this is not a good sign.

3. There are unresolved issues in the relationship

All relationships fall on hard times, and one partner may do something that the other must learn to move on from.  If there are unresolved issues in your relationship that just keep popping up, this is a key sign of a love-hate relationship.

It is the hate side of the love-hate which keeps grudges, and these can be hard to let go of in times of unhappiness.

4. There are things you hate about your partner

No one is perfect, and even the best couples have things they don’t like about one another, but there is nothing that they hate about one another.

If your partner has a habit that you hate or something about their character that makes your skin crawl, this is a sure sign you are in a love-hate relationship, as your tolerance has been stretched thin.

5. You keep your options open

Do you ever feel like, if you find a better option, there isn’t much keeping you in the relationship? If you see your partner as replaceable, if the make-ups are beginning to lose their excitement, this is a sure sign that your love-hate relationship is reaching boiling point.

Love-hate relationships can be rollercoasters, and it makes both emotions toward the other person all the more intense. This can make it difficult to communicate affectively and can leave you feeling confused and insecure about the relationship, which can affect you in a number of ways.

Love-hate relationships need to be dealt with, and the good news is that they don’t necessarily need to end for the pendulum to stop swinging.

1. Talk to someone

Talking to someone who is not in the relationship will give you an unbiased opinion on what the issues are and how you should deal with them. A family member or close friend can give you a clearer perspective from the outside, but be prepared that they might not give you the advice you want.



2. Decide if you’re willing to work it out

Before trying to fix a relationship, you have to decide if it’s what you want to do.  It can take a lot of work to fix a love-hate relationship and you have to be willing and ready to do this if you want the results.

Write a pro-con list, talk to some friends, but be sure that you want the relationship wholeheartedly before you decide you rush in.

3. Be open and honest in your communication

Communication is the key to all relationships, whether it be friendships, familial relationships or romantic ones.  It is important to be honest and really hear how the other person is feeling, as this is the best way to really express both partners feelings and find appropriate solutions.

4. Try not to place blame

We are very quick to place blame in arguments, especially if we are in a love-hate relationship, as it becomes easy to blame the other person for our unhappiness. It is important to remember that your partner will also be unhappy about some things, so be prepared to take some responsibility when it’s appropriate.

5. Reconnect with your partner

To really fix a love-hate relationship, you have to reconnect with your partner. This means reminding both of you about what makes the relationship so good.  Go out on dates, flirt with each other and let go of past mistakes to free up a better future with your partner.

Love-hate relationships can be tricky, especially if they’ve been going on for a long time. We hope our advice has helped you to discover if you are in a love-hate relationship and how to fix it if you are.



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By Francesca F.

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