Here’s everything you needed to know about how to get through a divorce and thrive. It’s much easier than you think.
I am divorced, twice actually, and no, it’s no picnic, I can tell you that. In fact, going through a divorce will knock the wind out of you. It will force you to accept change whether you like it or not. Learning how to get through a divorce seems like a daunting and imaginary thing.
The truth is, it can be done much easier than you think.
Learning how to get through a divorce
Let’s set the stage, shall we? You’ve just been confronted by your husband and he wants a divorce. The first thing that happens is the shock. You cannot believe what’s happening to your life. It was perfect and now it’s about to change, drastically.
You panic, and then you go through the 7 stages of loss, much like the 7 stages of grief, mind you. Then you come to that place where you have to learn how to get through a divorce and move on to greater things. Maybe you’re not alone, but you sure are frightened.
You can do this, and here are a few ways it can be done:
The first thing you have to do is accept the fact that this chapter of your life is over. Things will change, and you cannot change that fact. The best thing to do is accept that these changes will start soon.
Your partner will move out and you will have to accept that his things will be gone. Learning how to get through a divorce teaches you to see daily life without your previous mate. It will take time for all this to set in, but when it starts, you will have a different perspective.
2. Take care of yourself
During this turbulent time, you may start to let yourself go. This should never happen. In fact, if you have children, they will notice if you aren’t taking care of yourself, and this sends a powerful message. Taking care of yourself says that you care about the family and you also care about yourself as a separate person.
Children need to see this in order to grow into healthy adults. When your marriage dissolves, no matter how hard it may seem, get up, get dressed, and take care of your hygiene. If you need a pep talk, then ask for help.
Speaking of asking for help, it’s always a good thing. When learning how to get through a divorce, you will need the support from family and friends to guide you. Your loved ones can help you make decisions, they can help you prepare meals that you might not feel like making, and they can also spend quality time with you and your children.
Too long in isolation could make you consider things like reconnecting with your ex. Whether they are willing or not, you should never do this out of loneliness. Seek help from friends in order to stand your ground and be strong.
4. Legal consultation
When learning how to get through a divorce, you will need legal help. Family law attorneys can help you decide how you want to handle the legal aspects of the divorce. If you have children, you may need advice on custody issues, and if it’s property or anything shared in the relationship, you will want to discuss how to divide the assets.
Speaking with an attorney is always best and can possibly keep you out of court.
5. Love yourself
One of the most important things to do after a divorce is healing yourself. This means, spending lots of time alone when possible. Yes, it will be excruciating at first because all those thoughts of “what might have been” will haunt you everytime you’re by yourself.
You will reminisce, and you will get depressed, but during this time you will also get to know yourself much better. This is an important part of the healing process. You cannot skip this part, and you shouldn’t want to.
Sometime during the healing process, you will need to learn how to forgive your previous partner. Maybe it was all their fault – they cheated, stole money from you, or maybe they were just downright irresponsible.
None of this matters when it comes to forgiveness. You need to learn how to get through a divorce with forgiveness…not so much for them, but for your peace of mind.
7. Be strong
Let me tell you something that I learned from experience. You will never understand just how strong you are until you have had to muster strength during almost impossible times. Like I said, I was divorced twice, and during this time, I wanted to give up, but I didn’t do that.
Instead, I pushed myself at every corner, I shoved myself when obstacles got in the way, and I just kept going despite what came at me. You can do the same thing too. When learning how to get through a divorce, remember your strength and utilize it.
This strength will help you stare the beast of divorce in the face and say….not today.
8. Enjoy your freedom
And finally, enjoy being on your own. Your freedom is precious and when you are divorced, there will be no one to tell you when to come home, where to go or anything of that nature.
So, when you’re feeling rotten about losing your dreams of a happy marriage, just remember, you can do whatever you want now. You can devote all your extra time to your children, your family, and your friends. Hey, it does help you get through, trust me.
Now let’s start our new lives
Divorce is never fun, I know. But, the good thing is, change can be a blessing if you know how to tweak it. Instead of being afraid of being alone, learn all you can about your own personality and what makes you truly happy.
If you spend time single and don’t rush into another marriage, you will be able to offer a much better version of who you really are.
I hope this helps you, and I hope it’s a comfort in times of sorrow. Learning how to get through a divorce is a difficult transition, but if I can do it, I know you can too.
By Sherrie H.