You can cry or you can get angry, but none of these will work. There are better ways of learning how to deal with toxic people, trust me.
This is how I learned to deal with toxic people.
I’m ashamed to admit that it took decades of my life to learn how to deal with toxic people in a healthy manner. My first reaction was to examine, and then ultimately, blame myself for what my partner, the narcissist, was doing. This toxic person in my life was screeching and blaming me for all his shortcomings.
I just assumed he was right about. My actions and reactions were probably results of my low self-esteem, well-established in high school.
My second reaction, later on, was to cry and literally feel as though I was going crazy. As my “craziness” grew “bigger”, I started seeing a therapist and asking for medication. I used the medication to numb my own strength and “bow down” to my toxic partner. This was a huge mistake.
My third reaction came many years later when I decided to not care anymore. I just went along with everything so that nothing caused the toxic person in my life to retaliate. From that moment and further down the line, I alternated between being angry, crying, giving up, attempting suicide and all other sorts of unhealthy coping mechanisms.
I did not know how to deal with toxic people in a mentally strong way, but I was going to learn.
I had to get away from the darkness
I had to get away for a couple of years to learn to love myself. This was the foundation of becoming stronger. So, with all this being said, I want to help you, those of you who are fighting to retain your sanity. I want to help you build the strength you need to deal with those who thrive on de-basing you. Here are a few tips on how to deal with toxic people.
The number one trait of a truly healthy person is self-love. This characteristic will prove helpful when dealing with toxic people in your life, and the reason is that a healthy self-image will allow you to see right through all the tactics used to destroy you.
A stable idea of who you are and what you represent will be difficult to breach by negativity and insult. Make sure you love yourself and your self-esteem will thwart attacks coming from a toxic person.
Just as you would distance yourself from someone who smoked all the time, you should also try to distance yourself from unhealthy conversations. Toxic people like to complain. The things they say are like second-hand smoke, and the words can actually cause physical illness after listening for long enough.
You have to learn to walk away from this type of conversation. Whatever you have to do, find an escape route and get away from the negativity before it soaks in. Mentally strong people will recognize that when a toxic person starts to steal the spotlight with complaints and naysays, the environment becomes contagious.
In some cases, ignore them
Now, before you put this strategy to work, consider a few factors. You have to learn the dynamics of ignoring a toxic person. A toxic individual craves attention at all times, even when it’s an occasion to celebrate another person or their accomplishments. They will get loud and they will interrupt other people. If you choose to ignore them, make sure there are plenty of other people around.
Sometimes, if you have been submissive to the toxic person for a long time, and you find yourself alone with them, then ignoring them will not work. You can only ignore toxic people when you are in public. They tend to hide aggressive retaliation when in public, so they are less likely to become angered for being ignored.
Recognize insults and ignore them too
Toxic people love to insult others, and they do this in an insidious way. People like this will attempt to disguise insults with compliments. They will say things like “You are pretty when you fix yourself up.” Or “You do well when you try”.
Although this may sound like kind statements, they are dropping little seeds of doubt in your mind by putting conditions on your capabilities.
Learn to hear the truths behind the veil of compliments and then ignore them. You will know you have grown when you actually laugh at what they say. Be careful, however, laughing tends to make them angry.
Don’t fall prey to toxic self-pity
Toxic people use pity as another form of manipulation. They even make victims feel bad for finally standing up for themselves. Mentally healthy people are able to recognize self-pity and the unique way that it’s used by narcissists and psychopaths, who are considered toxic, I might add.
I’m not saying that it’s horrible to feel sorry for yourself at times, but what I AM saying is that toxic people use this as one way to get regain control, pure and simple. They will continue to blame others for all the debits in their life, as long as others are willing to listen to them.
Use a support system
Smart people who have survived manipulation by toxic individuals learn to surround themselves with supportive family or friends. A support system helps you not only have peaceful times away from the toxic person but also helps provide honest feedback.
If you have weaknesses when it comes to warding off toxicity, then your supportive friends or family members will help you keep track of this. This is useful because the toxic person you used to associate with will know most of your weaknesses. And why is this?
Because studying you was part of how they learned to control you. It’s interesting, isn’t it?
The correct way to break free
I dealt with toxic individuals for many years, and for a while, I thought I was living in a hopeless predicament. I thought that I would have to deal with these situations for the rest of my life. When I was young, I was completely unaware that my partner was toxic.
It took two decades of my adult life to figure out how to deal with this person, but now that I know, I will continue to fight for those who are living the same ordeal….
And help set them free as well!
By Sherrie H.
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