Most people would agree, it is not fun feeling alone. However, if you have a real, genuine fear of being alone, it is even less fun. It can actually be terrifying.
The sad thing is that so many people get involved in relationships, based on this fear rather than actually having a genuine connection to the other person. We might find it easier spotting it when it’s someone else’s relationship, such a friend or relative. It is a lot harder to spot the signs that you are just with a particular person because of your fear of being alone.
In the following post, we are going to look at some of the signs you should be on the lookout, to help you change your ways and stop looking to start relationships just because you feel you need it.
You Date People Who Are Emotionally Detached
Neediness is a by-product of the fear of being alone and this in itself makes it more likely that you will make poor choices for partners. It is interesting that very often, people who are needy, then end up with people who clearly don’t need them.
A vicious circle begins, almost like a cat chasing a mouse, without success. You need them, but they don’t put the effort into the relationship so the neediness is always one-sided.
Emotionally detached people are not mature enough for relationships yet, or ever. The horrible irony of getting with this kind of person because you are scared of being alone is that you will probably feel lonelier in the relationship than you would if you were single.
But, because the strong anxiety you have for being alone prevents you from seeing what is essentially rejection.
Easily Excusing Things That Are Unacceptable
One of the most common signs that you are scared of being lonely rather than actually wanting a relationship with your partner is if you easily accept treatment that is less than you deserve. You are clearly running from your own insecurities about being alone if you are always rationalising and justifying your partner’s behaviour and treatment of you.
Compromise is important in relationships, this is true. If you are always compromising and putting up with behaviour that others see as unacceptable, it could be a sign that you need to look at just why you are in a relationship.
Yet another sad irony is that by holding on to relationships that are going nowhere with people that don’t respect you, you are stopping yourself from meeting the right partner.
You Have Real Trouble Letting Go
Are you the type of person who finds it hard to let go of an ex? Do you feel the need to hang on to them or keep the door open ever so slightly just in case things change? This could be a sign that you just don’t want to be alone. When a relationship ends, it’s healthy to move on – it helps you start again and opens the chance for you to find someone else.
In order, though to have a healthy relationship with that someone else, you need to be able to fully commit to them. If you are holding onto the chance of getting back with an ex, then you can’t give your all to anyone else.
You Rush Into Relationships Way Too Quickly
Are you the type of person who after just one date, is already planning out what you are going to do with the other person every week for the next month? Be honest. We’ve probably all been there. And often, it’s because that person is just so amazing, you just want to spend as much time as you can with them, to get to know them better etc.
However, if you have a tendency to jump head first into any relationship with any guy or girl you meet after just one drink or a trip to the cinema – it could be a sign that you do it because of your fear of being alone.
When you suffer from the fear of being alone, you lose the ability to perceive love properly and don’t value yourself. You to date, anyone, accept whatever attitudes or personality flaws they have and chase after those that are simply not right for you.
However, the best way to find a good relationship and one that will stand the test of time is not when you are already in one. Neither is it when you jump into it, just because you don’t want to go to bed alone or spend time alone.
It is much healthier to build yourself up as a person, develop and work out who you are. The best time to meet the person of your dreams and start a relationship is when you don’t ‘need’ a relationship, but ‘want’ it.
By Valerie S.
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