Separating is never what couples envision when they are exchanging their marriage vows. Yet, with marriages failing as often as they succeed, divorce advice becomes necessary for some couples.
It is not easy to end a marriage, that is why divorce advice is essential for those who wish to move on with their lives and pursue a legal separation. Once you have begun the process there are avenues in which you should focus on: your finances, emotional state, and family dynamic.
With proper communication, a calm spirit, and by financially planning ahead, you and your ex will be able to effortlessly navigate the pitfalls of divorce.
Here are 3 pieces of divorce advice you can’t afford to miss.
Tip 1: Make a Plan for Everything
No one should ever go into their divorce proceedings blind. Having an idea of what to expect from your lawyer, what documents you should have available, and what goals you should set will help the process move smoothly. Here are four important factors to consider.
Is it really over?
Before pursuing a divorce, the best divorce advice you can follow is to make sure the marriage is really over. Many couples separate, only to back out or become unsure if divorce is really the answer to their situation.
It’s not that working to rebuild a marriage isn’t wonderful, but unclear romantic behavior can emotionally exhausting. It is also confusing for any children you may have.
Make a plan for your children:
Your marriage may be over, but your life as parents will go on forever. For better or worse, your children are a bond you will share for the rest of your lives. It is important that you civilly discuss what will happen to the children post-divorce. This discussion should include:
- How you will tell your children about your divorce
- Where the children will live
- How to reassure them of your love for them during this time
- Who takes the children on which days?
- Who picks them up from school
- Whether you still celebrate together as a family
- How you will speak to each other in front of the children
Your divorce is not necessarily a winning situation for you. Are you ready and willing to be honest with your attorney about the real reasons for the dissolution of your marriage?
Are you aware of how long it takes to obtain a divorce or that depending on how much you and your spouse each earn, you may be subject to alimony payments? These are important questions to have the answers to before pursuing your divorce.
Divorce is a lengthy process that will require a lot of planning. You must be willing to put in the time and effort to make a proper plan regarding representation, separation of finances and assets, and what will happen with your children after your divorce. If you don’t, you may end up getting a bad deal in court.
Tip 2: Divorce Advice Regarding Finances
The average cost of divorce in the US is $15-20 thousand dollars. This is a pretty penny spent just to legally separate from your ex. This hefty price-tag makes it essential that you have your financial documents in order before beginning divorce proceedings.
As soon as it is possible to do so, get copies of all your important financial documents. It is important that you do this quickly, as even amicable splits can soon turn ruthless. Documents you should have included the following.
- Prenuptial agreement
- Proof of both you and your spouse’s income
- Bank statements
- Shared financial investments, properties, loans, bills, etc.
- Living wills
- Powers of attorney
- Mortgage and property tax statements
- Insurance policies
- Separation agreement
Protect personal items:
You and your ex may vow to go through your divorce as civil human beings, but something about bringing lawyers into a dead relationship can turn things ugly. For this reason, try and safeguard personal items before it is too late.
Quickly taking personal items such as a family heirloom into your possession is highly recommended.
Tip 3: Take Care of Your Emotions
Going through a divorce can wreak havoc on your emotional state. That’s why we’ve prepared a list of tips for handling your divorce on a mental and emotional level. You will without a doubt feel sad, angry, depressed, and emotional. Here are some emotional considerations for your divorce.
Have a Support System:
Those going through a divorce are embarking on a sad, frustrating, melancholy adventure. It is important to have a strong support system during this difficult time. Having friends and family to talk to, cry with, and distract you with a fun evening out are critical for maintaining your sanity.
When possible, be civil:
This is a difficult task, especially if there were betrayal and dishonesty in the marriage. But in the end, being civil is going to get you a lot farther in life than being vindictive.
One great example of being civil may be choosing to go through mediation instead of going to court. This action shows cooperation, sets a good example for your children, and will save you a lot of time and money.
Attend Divorce Counseling Together or Separately:
Starting a new life without each other isn’t easy. Even if your romantic relationship was not healthy, you likely grew used to the routine of living together. Leaving this routine can feel jarring and confusing.
If possible, go to divorce counseling as a couple. Not only will your therapist be able to draw out your issues and emotions, they can also help you both navigate a civil divorce going forward.
By attending therapy together and communicating honestly, you will set a wonderful precedent of cooperation during this difficult time.
Don’t be consumed: Do not deny the emotions that you feel during your divorce. They are natural. But just remember that your divorce should not define you nor should it consume you.
You are still a parent, a child, and a worthy human being. One failed marriage should not mar your spirit for the rest of your life.
Going through a divorce is never easy, but there are certain tips on divorce advice for making the process run lot smoother.
Author Bio: Rachael Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.