The dismissive avoidant attachment personality is more common in today’s relationships than we may think. Are you this type of person?
As I read about this behavior, I started to realize more and more that this could be me, well, at least some of the characteristics. I started to notice the After failed relationships and marriages, I began to pull away from intimacy and build the world of “me” as a security blanket. Yes, I could have a dismissive avoidant attachment, and I am not sure how I feel about that.
Indicators of dismissive avoidant attachment
Some signs of this behavior may not be easy to notice, as much of it looks a lot like extreme independence. However, there is a difference between healthy freedom and the blatant desire to separate yourself from any sort of relationship at all.
Here are a few ways you can tell if you experience a dismissive-avoidant attachment.
1. Control issues
Dismissive-avoidant attachment behavior keeps you on high alert. You are always in fear of someone trying to control you. Anything that would hinder your freedom and your set lifestyle must be eliminated.
The fear of being controlled is so strong that the one who has the dismissive avoidant attachment personality style will sometimes end up trying to control others themselves or attempt to control certain situations.
2. Fear of commitment
This personality style has a strong fear of commitment because it means compromising or giving up the way they used to live. They have become comfortable with a certain way of living and something that threatens to alter that in any way is unattractive to them.
So, where relationships are concerned, this personality type will make excuses. If they do happen to commit, they will constantly criticize their partner because they’ve given them a space in their mind, and they expect perfection in that space.
3. Independence is number one
You will see a personality type that craves independence over all else. This means a relationship will fall second, obviously. Although they do find themselves in relationships, they will always try to retain every little shred of freedom possible.
This does cause problems in relationships because partnerships require unity and sacrifice. With independence, sacrifice just doesn’t fit in.
4. They are blunt
Those with dismissive avoidant attachment style personalities will be blunt in their speech. They say what they mean and they will not sugar-coat it either. These personalities believe that any emotional support should be found within yourself, as they are often alone because they choose to be this way.
They may talk rough and tell you to do many things on your own, as intimacy is not a strong point.
5. Inability to show emotions
People who have dismissive avoidant attachment aren’t that great at showing emotions. Instead of crying when a loved one leaves, they will easily accept the changes. Sometimes this comes from years of experiencing heartbreak and trauma, so much that they’ve become hardened to emotional expression.
Sometimes they still feel the overflow of emotions, but they just don’t know how to let it show.
6. Not worried about the end
The dismissive avoidant attachment style personality is not worried about the end of a relationship. In fact, if someone breaks up with them, they will just act like there’s nothing they can do. They will not try to save the relationship, rather, they will just bury their heads in the sand and see what happens.
How do you size up?
While I personally can relate to some of these signs, not all of them fit 100%. I guess that’s a good thing. While, on the other hand, I know other people who fit in with some of the other signs with this personality type. The dismissive avoidant attachment style is still kind of new to me, but I am learning.
If you notice any of these signs within yourself, don’t let it get you down. As long as you are facing the truth about yourself, you have the ability to work on these things. After all, none of us are perfect.
In the end, if a family member or spouse falls in this category, you have to make the ultimate decision as to whether you remain around them or cut off contact. This will depend on the strength of your own self-image. I wish you luck and hope for the best.
By Sherrie H.