Why should you date a person who accepts you the way you are? Well – the way you are can mean different things. There are a few possible scenarios. We should be clear about which one we’re in before proceeding.

Scenario #1:

You’re with someone who doesn’t accept you the way you are because you behave in an unacceptable manner. You have a wandering eye….you drink too much….you act out – that kind of thing. You recognize this, and you admit that you could benefit from making a few changes in your lifestyle and behavior (for your own good, not just for your partner’s).

In this scenario, I’d say go ahead and make the effort to improve.

Scenario #2:

You and your partner are perfect for each other in terms of your personality and values. Nevertheless, there’s some external problem or limitation imposed by reality. In this case, you should struggle as much as you both can to overcome those limitations.

Or, alternatively, if they can’t be overcome, accept the tragic nature of the situation, and look upon it as an experience in a true romance that our poets and playwrights have mused upon throughout the ages.

Scenario #3:

Your partner doesn’t accept you the way you are, but because of things, you can’t help. Your personality, your appearance, values that are close to your heart. If you’re in this scenario, read on. You might end up explaining to your partner that it’s time to say goodbye. And you’ll feel better for it in the long run.

I know, you can’t imagine feeling better. I’ve been there.

One relationship I had, when I was in my third year of university, caused me nothing but turmoil. He was good-looking, charismatic, charming – a strong personality. He held firm ideas of what he wanted and didn’t want.

I really didn’t have a single firm idea in my head back then, and I was captivated.

It wasn’t long into the relationship when the criticism of me started: I wasn’t this; I wasn’t that. He couldn’t possibly marry someone like me. Feeling dejected, I started frantically trying to transform myself into this fantasy figure he had in his mind.

I hadn’t a strong sense of identity, to begin with, but whatever I had started to crumble. I became obsessed with my appearance. Obsessed with always being in perfect shape and perfectly turned out. I neglected everything else in the pursuit of someone else’s idea of perfection.

It didn’t change anything. The dynamic of the relationship didn’t change. The balance of power in the relationship was weighted less and less in my favor every time I bent to his will. I wasted years of my life and got nothing from it.

Why date a person who accepts you the way you are? Here are a few reasons:

1. You’ll be able to concentrate on your own goals and aspirations.

It’s good when someone encourages you to be the best you can be. As long as you still get to be you. Pushing our loved ones to be better is part of what a successful relationship entails. However, if your loved one asks you to be things you’re not, or compares you unfavorably to others, then you should hear warning sirens in your head.

We’re gluttons for punishment many of us, and we’ll do anything we can to make them love us more. You can try it if you want. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

It takes a lot of effort and a great deal of energy to play a role all the time. You’ll be anxious and uncomfortable almost constantly. You’ll be hiding and secretly miserable. And you won’t fool anyone for long.

2. You’ll have more confidence and be more attractive

Cliché, as it is to tell people confidence, makes people more attractive, it really does. Have you ever seen what happens to a person when they become worn down by a relationship? How they lose their personality? The fact that the only thing that concerns them becomes their relationship?

How friends, and having a good time start to disappear? How all the things that made them attractive before the relationship have faded, and left a shell of the person that you can barely be bothered to talk to anymore? Yes, well – don’t let that be you.

Look at it objectively. Apart from all the burning passion and raptures – were you a fundamentally happier and more confident person before you met the love of your life? If so, I submit, with no hesitation, that this is not the love of your life.

3. You’ll have your emotional needs met

Having your emotional needs met does not mean indulging all your masochistic desires to chase after someone’s affection. Nor does it mean, in case you weren’t aware of it, that you fret all the time in the mirror.

Having your emotional needs met does not mean frantically trying to change yourself to fulfill someone else’s fantasies. What it means is that you feel secure and confident in yourself and your abilities. It means that you feel loved and fulfilled.

It means that you’re free to focus on aspects of your life other than your relationship.

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that couldn’t accept you the way you are? Have you any advice to share?

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This Post Has One Comment

  1. Harsimran

    Nicely written Carolina… I must say that all you wrote is absolutely true.

    We should always part ways from the one’s who wants to change us just because of their happiness and its true that we are gluttons for punishment. We will do all the possible stuff to make that person happy. But still if he/she is not happy then its a time to say good bye !!!!

    A true person is the one who accepts you the way you are. Critisism is good, but only till your patner is not suffering. I should not be like degrating your patner every now and then.

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