No one really sets out to obtain an unhealthy relationship. We all strive to find unconditional love, acceptance, and commitment.
So, why is it that so many people tend to find themselves in one unhealthy relationship after another?
It is first important to note that just because a relationship did not work out does not mean that it was unhealthy. And even in healthy relationships, you will still experience some arguing or disagreements. This is what so many people find confusing. The lines between a healthy and unhealthy relationship are blurred for them. Let’s clear this up.
Understanding the Types of Abuse
Abuse in a relationship can take on many forms. You can find yourself in an emotional, mental, or physically abusive relationship. You may have only dealt with one type of abuse from your partner or you may be unfortunate enough to have dealt with multiple forms of abuse.
Remember, arguing is just fine. It is when the small argument becomes a screaming match with harsh words, name calling, and aggressive body language that it is no longer healthy. You need to learn how to disagree, how to argue, and how to resolve those issues for any future relationships to be healthy. When you know what you should be doing, you will know what you should expect from a partner.
First, if you are not mentally, emotionally, or physically in the best shape, you may not be able to make the best decision when it comes to finding a partner. For example, if you are dealing with a substance abuse problem, it is unlikely that you are going to find a quality healthy long-term relationship with someone who is clean and sober. When you find yourself in drug or alcohol-fueled relationships, abuse is generally not too far away. Therefore, before you can think of looking for a healthy relationship, you need to complete a drug outpatient program.
No Social Media Boundaries
It is unhealthy, and downright disrespectful, to place the troubles or concerns of your relationship on the Internet for hundreds or possibly thousands of people to see. If you or your partner tend to turn your social media accounts to vent about each other, that is a form of emotional and verbal abuse. It is not “healthy venting,” as some people may believe.
Would your partner standing in the middle of a crowd at a park screaming about how you just don’t stop nagging or that he or she has not been intimate with you for a while be acceptable? Of course not. You would be humiliated. You would feel ashamed and it would count as an attack on how you view your self-worth. Complaining about the details of your relationship on a social media account is no different. Stop allowing yourself to see that type of behavior as acceptable and explain to your new partner that when there is something that is bothering him or her, the two of you need to sit down to discuss it as that is the healthy way to handle it.
It Is Comfortable
A relationship is subconsciously a relationship that they are comfortable in. This generally stems from a long history of abuse. Even if you were unhappy in your previous unhealthy relationship, take a moment to evaluate how difficult it was for you to walk away. There were probably times where it seemed near impossible. This is because it is what you know. Anything different is scary because you do not know what to expect.
In many cases, children who were directly abused or those who watched a parent become a victim of abuse will have trouble breaking that cycle. They were taught from an early age what love looked like in their family. If this is something that you experienced early in your life, it is imperative that you recognize this and make a commitment to do what you can to break that cycle. Usually, the breaking of this cycle will require the assistance of a mental health professional. You may need counseling to help you learn to spot the warning signs of an abuser and how you can regain your power to walk away from them.
This may only be the beginning of your journey to find a truly healthy relationship, but you are on the right path now.