Are you used to justifying yourself? In this article, you will find some good reasons to stop doing it.
What people think of me is none of my business! After all, I don’t think about them at all.
Justifying yourself can simply be defined as explaining who you are, why you are who you are, why you believe what you believe, why you did what you did, why you said what you said. By doing so, you have implicitly placed the other person in a position to judge you positively or negatively. You don’t have to accept their judgment, but once they have the information (the reasons that you have offered), you can’t stop them from passing judgment on you. And they will. And they probably will say so, either to you or to others.
The following are some of the reasons as to why you should stop justifying yourself and just do your thing.
1. There is no harm in putting yourself first
If you don’t love or put yourself first, who will? Definitely, no one will even care for someone who does not even care for himself/herself. You should always give yourself the first priority before giving others. During a 2011 TV interview, Michelle Obama amazed the media by her response to the questioned, they had asked about making her the first priority. Michelle admitted to making herself her first priority. I wholeheartedly agree with Michelle as there is nobody who will always stay loyal to you and therefore you should always prioritize your needs before others.
2. Need of expressing your feelings
What you feel about a certain phenomenon is personal and you have all the reserved rights to express feelings or emotions. The worst thing you can ever do is trying to be sorry for being sensitive or emotional after being wronged. We are all human beings and expressing yourself just shows that you are not afraid of letting others know that you have a big heart hence there is no reason of being ashamed. It hurts even more when you keep something hurting to yourself rather than speaking it out as nobody knows whether you are comfortable with it or not. Never apologize for expressing your feelings. If you do, you say sorry for the truth.
3. You have the right to be assertive
You don’t need to always give a reason for your decisions. Just a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ should not be questioned by anybody because you have reasons for accepting it or denying it. Nobody should ever force you to accept something you don’t like or something you aren’t comfortable with. Your assertiveness should be always respected. If for every small decision you make you feel the need to explain why you’ll end up feeling like you always have to justify yourself.
For an instant, it makes no sense for a teenage girl denying strongly having sex with you. It beats logic trying to explain why she is not interested in doing so. A big NO, in this case, is the best response you should expect. Otherwise, you are not being rude, you’ve just made a decision and answered their question appropriately.
4. Your self-esteem is of paramount importance
Nobody has the right to intimidate you into having to explain yourself to them and if they do, you have the right to rebuke them. The lower your self-esteem, the more that you will feel that you have to tell others what you are doing. You must work on how you feel about yourself then until you realize that you are a free adult and you are not answerable to anyone. When you have the need to explain yourself away, stop and ask yourself why you believe (or feel) this.
Think logically about your current situation and discover for yourself whether or not the person before you need an explanation of your activities. Your self-esteem should be given the respect it deserves as what you feel about yourself is the best gift from GOD. However, not all circumstances where this critique is applicable.
For instance, in a job interview, you are required to give a clear explanation about yourself and how you think you will be beneficial to that particular firm. In this case, it is important you give every detail you think is useful for you to secure the job. However, if you use a logical and objective mind, you will see that there are also many times when there is no need for you to explain yourself on normal circumstances.
5. To avoid victimization
Trying to prove and protect, you invent reasons, which appear to be more important than your instincts. You begin to sound like the whip you don’t like to be – instead of the hero, who you really are. If there’s a passion, there’s a solution. When you’re turned on there are no unbearable problems. At times, guilt kills you when you don’t stand strongly for your decisions. People may victimize you on these grounds when they realize that you have the tendency of justifying yourself in whatever you do and will always make you feel like you are, the one who is always wrong.
6. To avoid pretense
The pretense is the worst weapon to your heart as it will always haunt you and stab you like a double-edged sword because you can never lie to yourself. There is no need of pretending to safeguard somebody else interests while you yourself is not comfortable with it. This calls for speaking the truth and strongly expressing yourself regardless of what others say.
A father somewhere had the tendency of screwing his 12-year old daughter and she kept pretending to safeguard her father’s interests and not to spoil his appetite. She later realized that she was the losing party and broke it to her mother for help.
On learning this, her mother divorced her husband and left with the daughter. In a case like this, the girl owes her father no explanation as she did what was right to protect her own interests rather than living a life of pretense.
7. Your perception of things
Everybody has his own way of seeing things. What you perceive to be right should not be criticized by anybody no matter what. For example, your attitude towards marriage — and even if it changes one day, you need to avoid justifying yourself for this change. Nobody can tell you “I told you so” over such an enormous decision as your desire to commit for life to someone else.
Live your own life independent of what other people say about you and stop justifying yourself.
Author Bio: Janet Anthony is a blogger from Kansas city and content writer who has been writing professionally for five years now. She mostly writes about mental health, self-development, blogging, and inspiration. Her motto is “What you do today can improve all your tomorrows”. Find Janet here: twitter, facebook.