We often hear from our friends or ourselves say that we are looking for love, but are we actually looking for real, true love or do we just want to stop feeling so lonely?
In today’s social media obsessive culture, admit it, you love it when you get over 10 likes on an Instagram post or to get a comment on a Facebook post, but is this superficial? Are we using social media to fulfill the needs that a true love offers?
Speaking from personal experience mastering the difference from being alone and being lonely is a hard graft, but achievable and as clichéd as it sounds love really does turn up when we least expect and when we aren’t looking for it. Being happy on our own is the first step to being ready for such a forever love. There are so many perks to being alone, and not lonely.
Travelling where you want, when you want. Buying what you want, when you want and not having to justify to anyone.
Often when we have a broken heart we immediately look for someone new in the hope it will mend quicker and we often select an undesirable who will do more damage. As easy as it is to say, especially by someone who is very happily in love, we do need to stop looking for someone to give us the love that we are looking for and to stop looking for someone to give us the attention we so desperately crave. The realization often comes to us long after, but a few flirty text messages and some twitter exchanges do not give us what we need if we are looking for love.
How many of us thought that these flirty messages are enough and exactly what we need? They give us that buzz but how long does it last? Instead, we need to hold out for what we deserve and what we are worth. We aren’t going to accept being alone is ok, and not to just settle if we keep texting undesirables. They are not what we need! This is an internal battle, it is about knowing what we want, who we are and importantly what we deserve. Once we have won the first battle, the next is to have the confidence to stick with it and knowing that we should not settle for any less than what we deserve.
There are some important questions we should ask ourselves:
- Am I interacting with people because it makes me feel better or because I genuinely love their company?
- Is this person what I want? Or are they in my life to pass the time until the right person comes along? Or are they there just to keep me company so I am not alone?
If we continue to seek validation from other people we won’t ever be in the right place for real, solid, forever love. No one wants to be alone, but it’s far worse being with someone and still feeling achingly lonely.
We are impatient, but we are also optimistic, as no matter how many times we have been hurt by love, we all believe in it and want it. When single, we are all guilty of looking at the couple on the tube, or holding hands shopping and think “when is it my turn?”
But fundamentally we need to understand that if we are looking for love, true love, we have to stop expecting that just anyone will satisfy that requirement. If you want love, you can’t settle for anything less.
By Holly W.