Your Friends Are Not Your Real Friends

Have you ever asked yourself if all of your friends are actually real friends?

I’ve always wondered who my real friends were, that is until I decided that quality is much better than quantity in that area. The word ‘friend’ is defined in several ways.

They aren’t enemies, they should be trustworthy and they should take a certain liking to you and you to them. These are a few ways to explain what a friend is. If you want to know who your real friends are, examine those definitions:

Are they trustworthy? Do they enjoy your company?

If so, then you have a few people to analyze. That’s right, even those “friends” may not truly be friends at all.

Only half your friends feel the same way

Aristotle wrote, in the Nicomachean Ethics, about the three types of friends. These friends have different reasons for their ‘adoration’ and some are much deeper than others.

  1. Those who find you useful
  2. Those who take pleasure in your company
  3. Those who think you are a good person

Through experimentation, we find that most friendships are believed to be reciprocated, but only half of those reported relationships really are. It’s hard for individuals to perceive this notion because it affects their self-esteem. After all, we want to be liked.



Researchers examined 1,353 cases of friendship or instances where people were rated high enough to be considered a friend. The rating scale was between 0, marked as ‘not known very well’ and 5 as the highest ranking of friendship.

It took a rating of 3 and above to qualify as friendship. 94% of those doing the rating believed the other person would feel the same. Unfortunately, only 53% felt the same.

Aristotle may have been right.

Considering there are three basic types of friendships, people view relationships differently. What one person may classify as friendship, another would not see it in the same manner.

So, could it be? Could that group of people you hang out with truly be your friend? If you have 14 friends, could only half of them say they feel love in the same manner for you?

Take some time to evaluate what you think a friend should be, and compare this with your ‘friends’ point of view. Maybe you have a smaller circle than you think.

Don’t feel bad about this, it just means you can cultivate those friends you really have and create a bond that will last forever.

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By Sherrie H.