Once upon a time, figuring out how to keep that special someone in your life took time, dedication, and a whole lot of trial and error events. Now, what if I told you that there was an actual mathematical formula behind all of these interactions that, in fact, predicts whether your relationship will last or not? As fate would have it, a mathematician and a psychologist worked together to answer our questions and broke it down into a mathematical equation.
Typically, relationships are a kind of interaction between two people. However, relationships are more complex that just physical actions. Believe it or not, there is much of a chemical and hormonal response to your partner as there is a physical response. Your body can tell who is a good match for you (on a completely biological level of course). Hannah Fry, an author who delves deep in the study of John Gottman and his formula, elaborates about the breakthrough his work has helped to achieve. In her book, The Mathematics of Love, she explains that now we have a predictable model for relationships. Now we can see study couples and evaluate their risk, as either high or low.
With hundreds of couples studied, Gottman acknowledges that there is a physical response, we well as something else going on in our body. He studied facial expressions, blood pressure, skin conductivity, and even the language used during normal conversation. All of these aspects are indicators of either a positive or negative trend in the relationship. Psychologists are now able to conclude the result of a relationship based on these factors; they look at the positive or negative correlation.
Getting More Out Of Your Relationship
The formula is broken down to look at the basic dynamics of a relationship, how the couple acts towards one another. The idea of the formula is to give partners an opportunity to look objectively at their relationship. Now that you have the tools, you can act on it!
Low-risk couples, indicated by more positive interactions, are more likely to stay together. While this is a Captain Obvious statement, it has merit. Couples that go out of their way to keep their partner happy, to do small things that would brighten the other’s day, tend to be most comfortable in the relationship. While yes, they may argue, they follow guidelines and always respect each other. Negative behavior, like grouchiness, is typically dismissed and not taken to heart.
On the other hand, you have high-risk couples. These relationships are almost solely based on a cause-effect basis. If this person does this, the reaction is that. Most of the time, they have blown up arguments over petty things, and they hold on to that resentment. These actions end up making difficult situations for the couple, thus leading to their high-risk status by most counselors who also use this formula.
What This All Means
While the formula is pretty straightforward, the bottom line is that each person in the relationship is responsible for their actions! We need to realize that our actions play into our partner’s lives. We are choosing to be with this person and need to treat them accordingly. While some people are just unreceptive, leading to toxic relationships, most relationships have the ability to survive. So instead of taking out your frustrations on your partner, try to find a way to calm yourself down. You and your partner deserve happiness, why let a single day ruin your chances?
By Brittany G.